Une perspective sur « controlled male chastity » proposée par Kimberly Resnick Anderson
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In this episode, Kimberly interviews marriage and family therapist Jess Levith about her treatment of women with out-of-control sexual behaviors through a cultural and historical lens. To provide context, Kimberly gives a brief overview of how attitudes toward sex in general; and female sexuality in particular, have changed over the centuries. Ms. Levith discusses how some women pathologize themselves (or are pathologized by their partner, family, society, etc.) based on gender stereotypes about Birth Control, Sexual Imagery, Economic Parity, and Intersectionality. She also describes the six pillars of sexual health (based on the World Health Organization definition) and how she uses these concepts with women to help them asses their sexual behaviors, thoughts, and feelings. ».
YouTube est une plateforme où les créateurs peuvent partager leurs idées, allant de contenus informatifs à des discussions plus personnelles, tout en garantissant le respect des règles et de la diversité. C’est un lieu d’échange sécurisé qui favorise la réflexion sur une multitude de thématiques.
Évaluer les effets de la chasteté sur les relations interpersonnelles et familiales.
La chasteté améliore également les interactions avec les personnes autour de soi. Une cage de chasteté permet à un homme de raviver ses capacités de séduction et de modifier son comportement avec ses partenaires. En raison de leur utilisation plus rare, les capacités physiques et sexuelles sont particulièrement puissantes durant l’acte. La chasteté peut être pratiquée discrètement, sans avoir à partager ce choix avec ses partenaires. Dans un cadre marital, la chasteté peut renforcer les liens entre les époux en favorisant un amour plus authentique, éloigné du plaisir charnel.
La chasteté : Une qualité à réexaminer dans le monde contemporain.
La chasteté est vue comme une qualité taboue dans la société moderne. La pratique de la chasteté peut offrir une paix intérieure plus significative, renforcer les relations et favoriser une connexion spirituelle plus profonde pour ceux qui la choisissent. Autrefois, la chasteté était une valeur plus fréquemment acceptée et examinée. Le concept de chasteté est le point central dans cet article qui traite de la chasteté . Cet article présente la chasteté sous différents angles et fournit aux hommes les clés pour l’intégrer dans leur vie quotidienne.
Les effets positifs de la chasteté sur le bien-être personnel et moral sont considérables. Étudier l’effet de la chasteté sur le bien-être personnel et moral peut révéler des insights importants.
Lorsque la chasteté est pratiquée avec conscience, elle exerce un effet profond sur le bien-être personnel. En cultivant la chasteté, on obtient une meilleure maîtrise de soi, une clarté mentale accrue, et une paix intérieure grâce au respect des valeurs personnelles. La chasteté aide à établir une relation plus équilibrée avec son corps et ses désirs. En cultivant la maîtrise de soi, la chasteté offre une liberté plus importante en libérant des pulsions et des pressions sociales liées à la sexualité. Elle confère également un sens de pureté morale, renforçant la dignité et l’estime de soi. Les bienfaits psychologiques liés à la chasteté sont particulièrement évidents. Les individus qui pratiquent la chasteté peuvent développer une confiance en eux plus solide et une meilleure capacité à affronter les difficultés.
Plonger dans les origines historiques et culturelles de la chasteté.
Les traditions religieuses et culturelles mettent en avant les racines profondes de la chasteté. En christianisme, la chasteté est souvent liée au vœu de continence fait par les prêtres et les religieux. La chasteté est promue dans l’islam ainsi que dans les Églises catholique et orthodoxe comme une vertu fondamentale pour les religieux et les laïcs, particulièrement avant le mariage. La chasteté était largement valorisée dans l’Antiquité pour sa fonction de préserver l’intégrité personnelle et la pureté morale. Ainsi, la chasteté dépasse les frontières temporelles et culturelles, restant une vertu appréciée et respectée.
Comprendre la notion de chasteté à la lumière des standards contemporains. Analyser la chasteté dans le contexte de la vie moderne.
La chasteté, en essence, représente la maîtrise de soi dans le domaine sexuel. Il ne s’agit pas seulement d’abstinence, mais de réguler les désirs sexuels avec une intention morale ou spirituelle. La chasteté moderne ne se contente pas de supprimer les désirs; elle les dirige vers des objectifs plus élevés, tels que le respect de soi et des autres. Être chaste aujourd’hui ne veut pas dire abandonner le plaisir, mais plutôt vivre sa sexualité selon ses propres principes.
La chasteté joue un rôle crucial dans la quête spirituelle.
La relation entre chasteté et spiritualité est souvent très étroite. Le christianisme et d’autres religions voient la chasteté comme un moyen de sanctification. La discipline des désirs sexuels aide à dédier plus d’énergie à son bien-être intérieur. Dans ce cadre, la chasteté est considérée comme une offrande personnelle et un signe de respect envers Dieu. La chasteté est souvent vue comme une manière d’élever l’âme plutôt que comme une privation. Chaque tradition religieuse a sa propre approche de la chasteté. La vertu de chasteté est primordiale pour les prêtres dans le christianisme catholique. Dans l’islam, la chasteté est valorisée avec des règles strictes pour encadrer la sexualité. Les ascètes des traditions hindouiste et bouddhiste utilisent la chasteté comme voie vers l’illumination. La chasteté réunit les croyants à travers diverses religions dans une recherche commune.
Questions Courantes (FAQ) à propos de la Chasteté.
La chasteté est-elle limitée aux personnes consacrées ? La chasteté est une pratique qui dépasse les limites des personnes consacrées. Quelle est la dissemblance entre chasteté et abstinence ? L’abstinence est le fait de faire vœu de ne pas avoir de relations sexuelles. Contrairement à l’abstinence, la chasteté peut inclure le port d’un dispositif comme une ceinture ou une cage, et s’inscrit dans une approche de développement personnel. En quoi consiste la pratique de la chasteté dans le mariage ? La pratique de la chasteté dans le mariage implique souvent une discussion ouverte entre les partenaires sur les objectifs et les méthodes. Quelle est la valeur de la chasteté dans les enseignements de l’Église ? L’Église valorise la chasteté car elle considère cette vertu comme essentielle pour vivre une vie en accord avec les principes chrétiens. Comment la chasteté aide-t-elle à se réaliser personnellement ? La chasteté aide à l’épanouissement personnel en procurant une maîtrise accrue de soi, une clarté d’esprit et une tranquillité intérieure.
Vivre selon les principes de chasteté au quotidien.
Adopter la chasteté peut se faire par diverses stratégies pour les hommes. Il est crucial de débuter par une introspection approfondie pour saisir ses propres motivations et valeurs. Éviter les situations susceptibles de provoquer des désirs incontrôlés, comme les médias sexuels, peut aider. Avoir un mentor ou intégrer un groupe de soutien avec des convictions similaires aide à rester sur la voie. Il peut être difficile de pratiquer la chasteté dans un monde où la sexualité est très présente. Les obstacles incluent la pression sociale et les tentations récurrentes. Surmonter ces obstacles nécessite une discipline personnelle stricte. Il est fondamental de ne pas se décourager après un échec, mais de repartir avec une motivation renforcée. La chasteté n’est pas une fin en soi mais un parcours nécessitant patience et persévérance. En intégrant la chasteté dans sa vie, on peut atteindre une plus grande liberté, une maîtrise de soi améliorée, et un épanouissement spirituel significatif. Bien qu’elle puisse sembler restrictive dans un monde où la sexualité est souvent plus valorisée que la spiritualité, la chasteté offre une voie vers une vie plus authentique, fidèle à ses valeurs et sa foi.
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#Chastity #Belts #Birth #Control #Historical #View #Female #Sexuality
Retranscription des paroles de la vidéo: [Music] welcome to sex savvy where nothing is off-limits I’m Kimberly Resnick Anderson your host and creator of sex savvy I’ve been helping couples and individuals achieve optimal sexual health for more than 25 years I am ready to share my unique insights and sex positive approach with the world we’ll talk about hang-ups kinks fantasies and function what’s hot what’s not and most importantly how to become sex savvy [Music] hello and welcome to this week’s episode of sex savvy i’m your host kimberly Reznick Anderson I’m gonna play an interview for you in just a couple of minutes but I wanted to do a little introduction just to set the stage my guest today was trained and steeped in the 12-step model for sex addiction which is considered by some to be pathologizing rather than sex positive she was working in this arena using the 12-step model the classic Patrick Carnes model of sexual compulsive ‘ti and it wasn’t feeling like it exactly aligned with her values and her notions and beliefs about sexuality so she was searching for a different approach a different model and in her research she came across the work of Douglas Braun Harvey and Michael Vega rito who offered their own idea of working with out-of-control sexual behavior with men and they came up with their model the OSI SB model my guest fell in love with the model but realized it really was geared toward men and she was determined to tweak the model so that it could be applicable and helpful for women as well so my guest has been using this model and trying to tailor it for women who are seeking therapeutic support for what they consider to be out-of-control sexual behavior but in working with these women my guests realized that many of them come in believing that they are so-called sex addicts but she noticed that this belief was often in reaction to certain gender stereotypes and beliefs about female sexuality that are steeped in history she tries to tease out what are the actual auto-control sexual behaviors and what might be reactions to certain cultural messages about women and sexuality in general she’s identified four major lenses within which to frame a woman’s sexual behavior and concerns she’s going to explain these four areas in my upcoming interview which I will share with you momentarily I thought it might be fun to offer some context to her premise by highlighting how throughout history women have often been hostage to political social religious and economic climates as I have mentioned before and will likely mention again sexuality has fascinated people throughout history at times it has been celebrated and revered at other times it has been taboo and the source of many negative connotations religion philosophy and legal systems have all tried to establish sexual values and things like illness aggression psychiatric disorders and even the rise and fall of cultures have all been explained by either too much or too little sex sex has gone from being perceived as procreational to relational to recreational before 1000 BC there was a taboo already strongly established against incest women were considered property with productive and sexual value men were free to have many partners and prostitution was wide spread and accepted in ancient Greece there was tolerance and enthusiasm for homosexuality adult males often engaged with sexual activity with adolescent males that was considered a sort of educational or mentor relationships where men were responsible for a boy’s moral and intellectual development adult homosexuality was less accepted than adult adolescent sexuality and sex with prepubescent boys was considered illegal women had no more rights than slaves and they were subject to absolute authority of their next-of-kin male whether that was their father or their husband or their brother when Christianity came on the world scene there was a separation of carnal love versus spiritual love there was a denial of worldly pleasures for pure spirituality the notion of celibacy came on to the scene st. Paul said it is good for a man not to touch a woman but it is better to marry than to burn st. Augustine at the end of the fourth century said I muddied the stream of friendship with the filth of lewdness and clouded its clear waters with hell’s black river of lust there was a belief that sexual lust came from the downfall of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden and that women were not to be trusted and were temptresses out to manipulate men with their sexual wiles in the Islamic Hindu and Buddhist religion sexual attitudes were much more positive than in Christianity in the Hindu religion almost anything in the realm of sexuality received approval by the end of the 4th century the Kama Sutra had been published and it detailed sexual positions in graphic and illustrative pictures in China and Japan there were similar sexual manuals that glorified sexual pleasure and variety in ancient China sex was not to be feared rather it was seen as an act of worship in Europe during the 12th and 13th centuries the early Christian traditions regarding sex became deeply entrenched as the church assumed greater power theology and common law were synonymous sex was for procreation only there was a sting ship between upper and lower class the upper class implemented what was called courtly love where women were elevated to an immaculate plane and romanticized secrecy and valor were celebrated in song poetry and literature pure love was seen as incompatible with fleshly temptations couples laid in bed together naked to see if they could refrain from intercourse unconsummated love was in chastity belts came on the scene you could literally lock up your wife just as you locked up your money a metal framework that stretched between women’s legs from front to back and were quite heavy these chastity belts had two holes to allow for waist elimination but no penetration there was a rebirth of humanism and Arts in Europe in the 16th and 17th centuries and the restrictions loosened the ideal of courtly love went away during the Protestant Reformation led by Martin Luther and John Calvin there were less negative attitudes towards sex than the Catholic Church they believed sex was not inherently sinful and chastity and celibacy were not virtues in colonial America the Puritan ethic ruled sex outside of marriage was condemned premarital sex and adultery were crimes people were flogged put in pillories or stocks and forced to make public confessions if they engaged in sex out of wedlock we all remember Nathaniel Hawthorne’s scarlet letter during the American frontier and western expansion in the 1820s and 1830s there was again a loosening of sexual restrictions prostitution became commonplace groups were formed to combat social evils of prostitution and save fallen women during a three-year period in the 1840s the US government prosecuted 351 brothels in Massachusetts alone just prior to the Civil War you could purchase a guide book listing fashionable brothels in New York Philadelphia Boston Chicago and Washington DC back in Europe in the mid-1800s the Victorian era began this was a period of reserve and prudery that had resurfaced but it was less connected to religious edict and more connected to morality the spirit of Victorianism represented repression and modesty necessitated by the presumed purity of women and children sensibilities during that time were so delicate that people censored their speech to limit triggering sexual thoughts or images it was considered indelicate to offer a lady a leg of lamb clothing styles adopted the same sensibility not even a glimpse of an ankle or a bare neck let alone cleavage piano legs were covered with crinoline because God forbid a man might see a piano leg and become aroused books written by opposite sex authors could not even be next to each other on a shelf unless the author’s were married it was considered improper to do so there was a sexual underground of pornographic writings and pictures similar to temperance and gun-control whenever something is made illegal or taboo there’s almost always an underground movement and for the Victorian era pornography was no exception science and medicine also reflected an anti sexual ism masturbation was deemed a source of brain damage insanity blindness and more at the end of the 19th century German psychiatrist Richard von Kraft ABing classified sexual disorders in 1886 he published his classic book which sits proudly on my shelf to this day called Psychopaths eeeh sexual there have been 12 editions he advocated for the sympathetic medical concern for sexual perversions and reform in laws dealing with sexual crimes he described primarily paraphilias including sadomasochism fetishes and bestiality cannibalism and necrophilia and is often considered the founder of modern sexuality you may have thought that title went to Sigmund Freud but craft Evans work actually preceded the work of Sigmund Freud and his psychosexual development Sigmund Freud demonstrated the central importance of sexuality to the human existence he captured this more successfully than anyone before or since he believed that sex was the primary force in the motivation of all human behavior in the principal cause of all forms of neuroses he clearly established existence of sexuality in infants and children and proposed his now-famous theory of psychosexual development Freud’s most innovative concepts include number one the oedipal complex number two castration anxiety and number three penis envy these concepts have become so commonplace that I’m not even going to explain them because I assume that you’ve all heard of the oedipal complex castration anxiety and penis envy a funny story really quickly when I was preparing to give a presentation at a medical conference in Sweden called the prolific penis its prowess protuberance and other particulars was quite proud of the alliteration there I was reading all sorts of books on on male sexuality and and penis and one of my son’s who was about 10 or 11 years old at the time he said to me mom you’re never gonna have one and I said what are you talking about he goes a penis you’re never gonna have one just get over it you seem obsessed with it it was very funny he was obviously ding penis and beyond to me assuming that I was reading these books because I really really wanted to have a penis it was very funny Freud suggested that these three concepts oedipal complex castration anxiety and penis envy are all operating at unconscious levels by the end of World War one there were three important shifts one was the increased social and economic freedom for women two was the availability of the automobile and three changes in fashion dance music and literature women became involved for the first time professionally in sexual revolution that was brewing you may have heard of Margaret Sanger who was the leader in the birth control movement Katherine Davis conducted surveys on the sex lives of 2,200 women these were published as a series of scientific articles when the Great Depression hit in 1929 the concern for food and shelter took precedence over sex when world war ii began the country was obviously distracted by the war and the focus on sex again dissipated during the post-world War 2 era Alfred Kinsey who was actually a zoologist at Indiana University was asked to help teach a course on marriage in 1938 he was struck by the lack of scientific data regarding human sexuality and so he gave out questionnaires to his students that he drafted himself after interviewing 12,000 men and women around the country he published his classic book sexual behavior in the human male in 1948 he followed that with sexual behavior in the human female in 1953 Kinsey reported that 37% of men have had some homosexual experience to orgasm past puberty he reported that 40% of husbands are unfaithful and that 62% of women had tried masturbation now think back to the 1940s and 1950s these proclamations were extremely scandalous and controversial in the aftermath of Kinsey there was an era of sexual confusion premarital sex became more commonplace you remember may remember the classic book Peyton Place which described some form of promiscuity music started to depict sexual themes in the 1950s women were expected to be glamorous but brainless think Marilyn Monroe in the 1960s of course there was a sexual revolution three important things happened in the 60s birth control pills became available and made premarital sex safer and more accessible there was a protest movement sort of in the air there was the civil rights movement there was the anti-war demonstration there was make love not war sex was considered healthy and there was a movement to the pathologized II stigmatized sex and celebrate sex and internalized a sex positive mentality also the emergence of feminism in its modern form was born in the 1960s female sexuality was finally accepted as a natural and healthy aspect of life I’m sure you’ve heard of masters in Johnson he was a physician she was a behavioral scientist they met at Washington University Medical School in st. Louis they were really the first people to add anatomy and physiology to the mix of studying sexuality they actually conducted laboratory investigations beginning in 1954 by 1965 more than 10,000 episodes of sexual activity had been observed and documented by Masters and Johnson and they published their hallmark book human sexual response in 1966 another classic book is the joy of sex by Alex comfort which was published in 1972 many of the women that I treat who grew up in the 70s recall getting this book as a bridal gift or from their mother prior to their honeymoon and it’s an oldie but a goodie and another book that is proudly displayed on my shelf certain trends emerged there was a loosening around cohabitation and people felt free to live together without being married there was also the legalization of abortion in 1973 with the hallmark Supreme Court case Roe versus Wade in 1974 there was a decision to remove homosexuality as a mental disorder from the DSM there was a growing awareness of significance around sexual victimization the creation of rape crisis centers for example occurred during that time there was also a explosion in innovative reproductive technology the first test-tube baby was born in 1978 and suddenly you could get a surrogate mother to carry your baby and these innovations in medicine and technology opened up opportunities for women in many many ways in the late 70s and early 80’s as with many trends they swing from right to left there was a conservative backlash you may have heard of the moral majority and groups such as right to life so these are just a few examples of how sexuality over the years has changed has impacted women’s status when financial power and a woman’s control over her own body I think this introduction will add richness to my interview and I am going to play that for you now so let’s get sex savvy I’m very happy today to introduce my guest her name is just loveth she’s a therapist in Oakland California specializing in out-of-control sexual behavior with a particular interest in focus on treating women just thank you for coming on sex savvy welcome thank you for having me why don’t you start by just explaining tonight listen out-of-control sexual behavior is and how you diagnose that in my practice I really try to err on the side of not over pathologizing so the person coming in is already in a lot of pain and I don’t want to heap you now have a disorder on top of that so what I do is and what with OCS B we let the client come in and they say usually I have a client come in and say I’m a sex addict and I my first question is what does that mean breaking it down and with OCS B it’s not about behaves specific behaviors or frequency it’s really about what’s feeling out of control for that person what I noticed about the women coming in with OCS B is this through line of women coming in having internalized gender stereotypes in other words they are coming in thinking they have out-of-control sexual behavior oftentimes because of how they have been taught explicitly and implicitly how a woman should be sexually so a lot of what I’m working with when I’m working with women before we even get to what feels like the out of control thoughts behaviors and feelings we start with what does this look like for you and how might this be influenced by societal norms an internalized stereotype you know what I sometimes talk about this I talk about it as puritanical hypocrisy yeah because it’s I mean the message is you must be both at the same time the [ __ ] and the Madonna exactly when I’m working with women as far as translating this book I’m just gonna be doing case examples essentially with women instead of men as I go through this model and as I was doing research because I’ve been doing a lot of research on cisgendered women’s sexuality throughout history and if you start doing that and going down that rabbit hole you start noticing very quickly that most of the research and assessment and treatment it’s all been created by men right and so I think there should be an element when you’re working with women of a woman’s consciousness to balance the scales so as I go through this history I’m starting to do more research on well what do women have to say about this at these different times in history you’re really looking at it from a historical and cultural perspective yes yes and in this narrative that that was really cemented back in when the church came along the Christian Church came along laid down the foundation of women’s worth is correlated with their ability to be a mother and a good wife and non-sexual and so all of the things I know at the same time yes doing all of that history and the research on women’s sexuality what I noticed were certain landmark points that have influenced how women internalize these gender stereotypes I just want to throw out there that this is all a work in progress so this is by no means something that I am presenting as a finished product I’m just so it excited about this topic that I want to start disseminating information and having people think about it and contribute these are four notable categories that women have struggled with sexually throughout history the first is birth control that involves the pill abortion and forced sterilization the line is the levels at which women and their sexuality are affected by the investment people have in who decides if conception leads to birth and so how does that affect a woman going into a sexual relationship if she doesn’t have control over the outcome of what might happen so if we’re talking about just power over your own body an example of this in a clinical setting would be there are some women who don’t seriously consider the repercussions of having sex or actively trying to get pregnant in order to maintain an attachment there’s women who because they’re are so deeply wanting to be with that person they are willing to risk unprotected sex even if they don’t want to have a child because of their partner and so this is all about the reproductive choice and control the next point would be sexual imagery or pornography in this idea of self pleasure when you’re thinking about women and pornography it’s not really an allegation that most porn is made for heterosexual men it’s just a fact although there has been this movement of feminist porn which is real pleasure for women in an ethical workplace and women aren’t coerced it’s still challenging the stereotypes of female sexuality and also a lot of women are now looking towards this sexual imagery as sexual education as opposed to this is entertainment and when women are coming in and they’re talking about I’m a sex addict because I watch porn you know X amount of times a week I start came in with them about well what do you consider too much and then we start going into maybe their background like it does it have to do is it influenced by religion is it influenced by their partner not wanting them to look at this imagery or messages from their mom about anything there’s so many variables that leave a legacy on how when women’s relationship with their own bodies with pornography with imagery with erotica with it’s loaded definitely loaded right and there’s also a myth of women not watching pornography which is false I was looking at a few different studies and around 30 % of women watch pornography once a week it also deeply affects body image right not just for women but in terms of what men expect how men expect women to look and respond to so it cuts across both yeah it does and it also you know just little things like I have women coming in saying I have a sexual problem because I make certain sounds and it’s because they have never seen women make sounds right or I treat a woman now who is a so-called squirter and one of her past lovers said you know that it was disgusting and that he needed to shower and really shamed her for that and then on the other hand you have guys who are wanting and demanding that their partners have that female ejaculation so it really it really depends on both parties and their comfort and expectations yeah and so women coming in basically what that would look like is some a woman coming in and either saying you know I watched too much pornography or I keep altering my body because I feel like it doesn’t match what it should are you talking like cosmetic surgery yeah I feel of the men who are bleaching their vaginas and vulvas and a name anuses yes I haven’t had anyone actually have surgery yet but I have heard now I’ve had a lot of women have surgery the so-called revirginization or rejuvenation surgery right usually that’s around those would be the out of control thoughts just this rumination of I’m broken or there’s something wrong with me the next point would be economic parity so now that women are definitely starting to make more money and sometimes even more than their partners they’re the role reversal and it really throws the sexual piece of the relationship for a loop so women historically have had less of a choice around what they wanted sexually and who they wanted sexually and whether or not they wanted to stay in the marriage or partnership because of who was making money and now that women you know like a woman will be married she will will or will not have a child but let’s say she has a child the child goes to school she goes back to work and then realizes that she wants something and there’s not really a match with her partner she is no longer as dependent on that person financially that shifts the power dynamic absolutely and so sometimes that can look like the partner sinking that she has a sexual problem or out-of-control behavior if she’s choosing something other than the partner then her partner because now that she has this power to make that choice I’ve treated a lot of men who feel emasculated because they’re white or female partner earns more money than they do and it affects their capacity to complete the phases of sexual response so it’s a projection it’s it’s an internal sense of inadequacy that they then blame the wife for or they withhold sex to try to regain the up position as I’m talking about all of these I’m just wanting to like reiterate that this is these are just the ways that women may internalize what they think is out of control behavior when they come in you’re wanting to deep apologize assumptions that women have about their sexual behavior and feelings but do you find that there are women who you would say are legitimately out of control with their sexual behavior and it’s not based on these four hallmark criteria that you put out absolutely yes okay so it’s really about teasing out at differentiating what is based on these cultural stereotypes versus an actual problematic situation right I mean I just wanted before we even go into the out-of-control behaviors themselves I want to make sure that it’s not about this internalized gender stereotype the fourth point is kind of I haven’t really been able to flush this one out but I it’s kind of like the catch-all for female sexuality and just intersectionality so this is how female sexuality intersects with so many other variables and how it may present in the room and we’re talking race sexual orientation financial privilege able-body nests and body type it’s a great list yeah well it’s just I’m really trying to figure out a way to label this or name this section still so that is the work in progress I was doing some consulting with clinicians who work with intersectionality and specifically I was talking about race and a good point was brought up about history of women and slavery does a woman of color even own her own body and that has like this deep deep underlying potential narrative and how is it lingered in the minds of women of color and women of color perhaps not even being able afforded the opportunity to think about sex as pleasure because they’ve lived in a survival mode and then from an OCSP perspective this how is this sexual behavior and attempt to address one of these intersectionalities it might be like a self-made treatment plan you know that’s just not working how do you incorporate if at all effect regulation and attachment style into your work oh it’s deeply deeply integrated so I was in a study group for a period of time with Allan schore and he does the modern attachment theory which is the interpersonal neurobiology of attachment so I definitely work from a base of the family of origin lays down a physiological as well as a environmental template of how we relate to other people even explaining that much to a client can shine a light bulb absolutely yeah I mean I very much work with attachment styles and then regulating and grounding around when you’re trying to build space between thought and behavior it just manifest sexually because if you think about how if the family of origin lays down this template physiologically well your sexual throughout your entire life exactly you know and so as you develop and then you go in and you hit puberty and you’re still developing sexually and you still have that template with attachment and so it’s just going to develop it’s just going to become more apparent sexually if I have ruled out all of these these points that I’ve mentioned and it really does appear that this client is struggling and without of control sexual behavior I explained this what’s called the six principles of sexual health in the Harvey uh-huh correct that’s what Michael VIII Garrido and Harvey came up with and and these six principles are based on the WHI World Health Organization a definition of what is sexual health and so they took these principles and the first is consent which is just straightforward are both partners experiencing the sex without coercion or violence and then the second principle is non exploitative meaning does one of these people have or multiple people missing the relationship you have are they all feeling as equal partners you know one person is not holding any kind of emotional power and exploiting that power or it’s not a boss employee situation you know it’s it really feels equal and it’s respectful and affirming the third principle is protection from STI is HIV and pregnancy so this goes back to this idea of is the person protecting themselves ie are they using condoms if they’re both in agreement on using condoms are they not using a condom because they want to keep their partner and their partner doesn’t like the way it feels which is a form of coercion right now correct and exploitation it’s also glycation yes it clicks the consent and the exploitation box mmhmm yeah and a lot of these out-of-control feelings thoughts and behaviors go through you know really hit a few of these different principles the fourth is honesty are you and whoever you’re in this relationship with in the same relationship you know are you are you open about your desires fantasies feelings in to enjoy this this sex and the intimacy yeah and your status like maybe you’re married to someone else correct yeah correct and are you being honest about it because there’s there are open marriages v is shared values what does sex mean to you as opposed to the person you’re having sex with and conflicting attitudes desire discrepancy and then mutual pleasure are you truly enjoying what you’re doing or are you trying to fulfill the needs of the relationship so if someone wanted to learn more about you how would they get ahold of you Jess well you can check out my website it’s East – Bay therapy.com so EAS T – ba Y therapy calm and that’s not only is that you know that does that talk about what I do but it’s also got links to some really good resources wonderful I would also say if you’re a clinician and or if you’re just interested in what out-of-control sexual behavior is I totally want to plug Doug and Michael’s book it’s called treating out-of-control sexual behavior rethinking sexual addiction wonderful it’s just a fabulous book and I think I have a couple of things on YouTube from a long time ago and I want to just own that you know when I made those videos I was still very much steeped in the 12-step model and so I think that it’s important as a clinician to be able to to own that you know you should you shift of course we’re all developing all the time our views are the theories that make sense to us the models we utilize that you know over time yeah and I think that yeah there are still pieces of those videos that I actually agree with and I still find really fascinating I mean even in those videos I’m talking about the attachment piece of it you know which I still very much feel is important I ask all of my guests at the end of the interview what is the most meaningful or fulfilling aspect of their work what would you how would you answer that I think normalizing for me you know just people that come in and they’re so distraught around these fundamental pieces of human behavior you know sex and sexuality is such a right on a healthy sexuality and an enjoyable pleasurable sexuality is a right you know of everybody and I think to normalize that when they’re having conflict people have conflict with their own identity and with their own sexuality and that’s okay and we can talk about this and you’re not alone that validation is so therapeutic yeah and in creating the attachment in the room so that the room is like a pate redo SH and then they can take it and then go experiment on the outside well thank you so much just Levin for talking to us today yeah thank you for having me and best of luck with your concepts and I look forward to the book that you publish one day okay thank you so much all right you’ve been listening to sex savvy if you find value in this podcast please like and follow share comment or review on your favorite podcast app your participation helps keep sex savvy free and available to all who are interested Kimberly and the entire sex savvy team appreciate your loyalty and support [Music] you [Music] .
Déroulement de la vidéo:
0.3 [Music]
0.3 welcome to sex savvy where nothing is
0.3 off-limits I&;m Kimberly Resnick Anderson
0.3 your host and creator of sex savvy I&;ve
0.3 been helping couples and individuals
0.3 achieve optimal sexual health for more
0.3 than 25 years I am ready to share my
0.3 unique insights and sex positive
0.3 approach with the world we&;ll talk about
0.3 hang-ups kinks fantasies and function
0.3 what&;s hot what&;s not and most
0.3 importantly how to become sex savvy
0.3 [Music]
0.3 hello and welcome to this week&;s episode
0.3 of sex savvy i&;m your host kimberly
0.3 Reznick Anderson I&;m gonna play an
0.3 interview for you in just a couple of
0.3 minutes but I wanted to do a little
0.3 introduction just to set the stage my
0.3 guest today was trained and steeped in
0.3 the 12-step model for sex addiction
0.3 which is considered by some to be
0.3 pathologizing rather than sex positive
0.3 she was working in this arena using the
0.3 12-step model the classic Patrick Carnes
0.3 model of sexual compulsive &;ti and it
0.3 wasn&;t feeling like it exactly aligned
0.3 with her values and her notions and
0.3 beliefs about sexuality so she was
0.3 searching for a different approach a
0.3 different model and in her research she
0.3 came across the work of Douglas Braun
0.3 Harvey and Michael Vega rito who offered
0.3 their own idea of working with
0.3 out-of-control sexual behavior with men
0.3 and they came up with their model the
0.3 OSI SB model my guest fell in love with
0.3 the model but realized it really was
0.3 geared toward men and she was determined
0.3 to tweak the model so that it could be
0.3 applicable and helpful for women as well
0.3 so my guest has been using this model
0.3 and trying to tailor it for women who
0.3 are seeking therapeutic support for what
0.3 they consider to be out-of-control
0.3 sexual behavior but in working with
0.3 these women my guests realized that many
0.3 of them come in believing that they are
0.3 so-called sex addicts but she noticed
0.3 that this belief was often in reaction
0.3 to certain gender stereotypes and
0.3 beliefs about female sexuality that are
0.3 steeped in history she tries to tease
0.3 out what are the actual auto-control
0.3 sexual behaviors and what might be
0.3 reactions to certain cultural messages
0.3 about women and sexuality in general
0.3 she&;s identified four major lenses
0.3 within which to frame a woman&;s sexual
0.3 behavior and concerns she&;s going to
0.3 explain these four areas in my upcoming
0.3 interview which I will share with you
0.3 momentarily I thought it might be fun to
0.3 offer some context to her premise by
0.3 highlighting how throughout history
0.3 women have often been hostage to
0.3 political social religious and economic
0.3 climates as I have mentioned before and
0.3 will likely mention again sexuality has
0.3 fascinated people throughout history at
0.3 times it has been celebrated and revered
0.3 at other times it has been taboo and the
0.3 source of many negative connotations
0.3 religion philosophy and legal systems
0.3 have all tried to establish sexual
0.3 values and things like illness
0.3 aggression psychiatric disorders and
0.3 even the rise and fall of cultures have
0.3 all been explained by either too much or
0.3 too little sex sex has gone from being
0.3 perceived as procreational to relational
0.3 to recreational before 1000 BC there was
0.3 a taboo already strongly established
0.3 against incest women were considered
0.3 property with productive and sexual
0.3 value men were free to have many
0.3 partners and prostitution was wide
0.3 spread and accepted in ancient Greece
0.3 there was tolerance and enthusiasm for
0.3 homosexuality adult males often engaged
0.3 with sexual activity with adolescent
0.3 males that was considered a sort of
0.3 educational or mentor relationships
0.3 where men were responsible for a boy&;s
0.3 moral and intellectual development adult
0.3 homosexuality was less accepted than
0.3 adult adolescent sexuality and sex with
0.3 prepubescent
0.3 boys was considered illegal women had no
0.3 more rights than slaves and they were
0.3 subject to absolute authority of their
0.3 next-of-kin male whether that was their
0.3 father or their husband or their brother
0.3 when Christianity came on the world
0.3 scene there was a separation of carnal
0.3 love versus spiritual love there was a
0.3 denial of worldly pleasures for pure
0.3 spirituality the notion of celibacy came
0.3 on to the scene st. Paul said it is good
0.3 for a man not to touch a woman but it is
0.3 better to marry than to burn
0.3 st. Augustine at the end of the fourth
0.3 century said I muddied the stream of
0.3 friendship with the filth of lewdness
0.3 and clouded its clear waters with hell&;s
0.3 black river of lust there was a belief
0.3 that sexual lust came from the downfall
0.3 of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden
0.3 and that women were not to be trusted
0.3 and were temptresses out to manipulate
0.3 men with their sexual wiles in the
0.3 Islamic Hindu and Buddhist religion
0.3 sexual attitudes were much more positive
0.3 than in Christianity in the Hindu
0.3 religion almost anything in the realm of
0.3 sexuality received approval by the end
0.3 of the 4th century the Kama Sutra had
0.3 been published and it detailed sexual
0.3 positions in graphic and illustrative
0.3 pictures in China and Japan there were
0.3 similar sexual manuals that glorified
0.3 sexual pleasure and variety in ancient
0.3 China sex was not to be feared rather it
0.3 was seen as an act of worship in Europe
0.3 during the 12th and 13th centuries the
0.3 early Christian traditions regarding sex
0.3 became deeply entrenched as the church
0.3 assumed greater power theology and
0.3 common law were synonymous sex was for
0.3 procreation only there was a sting ship
0.3 between upper and lower class the upper
0.3 class implemented what was called
0.3 courtly love where women were elevated
0.3 to an immaculate plane and romanticized
0.3 secrecy and valor were celebrated in
0.3 song poetry and literature pure love was
0.3 seen as incompatible with fleshly
0.3 temptations couples laid in bed together
0.3 naked to see if they could refrain from
0.3 intercourse unconsummated love was in
0.3 chastity belts came on the scene you
0.3 could literally lock up your wife just
0.3 as you locked up your money a metal
0.3 framework that stretched between women&;s
0.3 legs from front to back and were quite
0.3 heavy these chastity belts had two holes
0.3 to allow for waist elimination but no
0.3 penetration
0.3 there was a rebirth of humanism and Arts
0.3 in Europe in the 16th and 17th centuries
0.3 and the restrictions loosened the ideal
0.3 of courtly love went away during the
0.3 Protestant Reformation led by Martin
0.3 Luther and John Calvin there were less
0.3 negative attitudes towards sex than the
0.3 Catholic Church they believed sex was
0.3 not inherently sinful and chastity and
0.3 celibacy were not virtues in colonial
0.3 America the Puritan ethic ruled sex
0.3 outside of marriage was condemned
0.3 premarital sex and adultery were crimes
0.3 people were flogged put in pillories or
0.3 stocks and forced to make public
0.3 confessions if they engaged in sex out
0.3 of wedlock
0.3 we all remember Nathaniel Hawthorne&;s
0.3 scarlet letter during the American
0.3 frontier and western expansion in the
0.3 1820s and 1830s there was again a
0.3 loosening of sexual restrictions
0.3 prostitution became commonplace groups
0.3 were formed to combat social evils of
0.3 prostitution and save fallen women
0.3 during a three-year period in the 1840s
0.3 the US government prosecuted 351
0.3 brothels in Massachusetts alone
0.3 just prior to the Civil War you could
0.3 purchase a guide book listing
0.3 fashionable brothels in New York
0.3 Philadelphia Boston Chicago and
0.3 Washington DC back in Europe in the
0.3 mid-1800s the Victorian era began this
0.3 was a period of reserve and prudery that
0.3 had resurfaced but it was less connected
0.3 to religious edict and more connected to
0.3 morality the spirit of Victorianism
0.3 represented repression and modesty
0.3 necessitated by the presumed purity of
0.3 women and children sensibilities during
0.3 that time were so delicate that people
0.3 censored their speech to limit
0.3 triggering sexual thoughts or images it
0.3 was considered indelicate to offer a
0.3 lady a leg of lamb clothing styles
0.3 adopted the same sensibility not even a
0.3 glimpse of an ankle or a bare neck let
0.3 alone cleavage piano legs were covered
0.3 with crinoline
0.3 because God forbid a man might see a
0.3 piano leg and become aroused books
0.3 written by opposite sex authors could
0.3 not even be next to each other on a
0.3 shelf unless the author&;s were married
0.3 it was considered improper to do so
0.3 there was a sexual underground of
0.3 pornographic writings and pictures
0.3 similar to temperance and gun-control
0.3 whenever something is made illegal or
0.3 taboo there&;s almost always an
0.3 underground movement and for the
0.3 Victorian era pornography was no
0.3 exception science and medicine also
0.3 reflected an anti sexual ism
0.3 masturbation was deemed a source of
0.3 brain damage
0.3 insanity blindness and more at the end
0.3 of the 19th century German psychiatrist
0.3 Richard von Kraft
0.3 ABing classified sexual disorders in
0.3 1886 he published his classic book which
0.3 sits proudly on my shelf to this day
0.3 called Psychopaths eeeh sexual
0.3 there have been 12 editions he advocated
0.3 for the sympathetic medical concern for
0.3 sexual perversions and reform in laws
0.3 dealing with sexual crimes he described
0.3 primarily paraphilias including
0.3 sadomasochism fetishes and bestiality
0.3 cannibalism and necrophilia and is often
0.3 considered the founder of modern
0.3 sexuality you may have thought that
0.3 title went to Sigmund Freud but craft
0.3 Evans work actually preceded the work of
0.3 Sigmund Freud and his psychosexual
0.3 development Sigmund Freud demonstrated
0.3 the central importance of sexuality to
0.3 the human existence he captured this
0.3 more successfully than anyone before or
0.3 since he believed that sex was the
0.3 primary force in the motivation of all
0.3 human behavior in the principal cause of
0.3 all forms of neuroses he clearly
0.3 established existence of sexuality in
0.3 infants and children and proposed his
0.3 now-famous theory of psychosexual
0.3 development Freud&;s most innovative
0.3 concepts include number one the oedipal
0.3 complex number two castration anxiety
0.3 and number three penis envy these
0.3 concepts have become so commonplace that
0.3 I&;m not even going to explain them
0.3 because I assume that you&;ve all heard
0.3 of the oedipal complex castration
0.3 anxiety and penis envy a funny story
0.3 really quickly when I was preparing to
0.3 give a presentation at a medical
0.3 conference in Sweden called the prolific
0.3 penis its prowess protuberance and other
0.3 particulars was quite proud of the
0.3 alliteration there I was reading all
0.3 sorts of books on on male sexuality and
0.3 and penis and one of my son&;s who was
0.3 about 10 or 11 years old at the time he
0.3 said to me mom you&;re never gonna have
0.3 one and I said what are you talking
0.3 about he goes a penis you&;re never gonna
0.3 have one just get over it you seem
0.3 obsessed with it it was very funny he
0.3 was obviously
0.3 ding penis and beyond to me assuming
0.3 that I was reading these books because I
0.3 really really wanted to have a penis it
0.3 was very funny
0.3 Freud suggested that these three
0.3 concepts oedipal complex castration
0.3 anxiety and penis envy are all operating
0.3 at unconscious levels by the end of
0.3 World War one there were three important
0.3 shifts one was the increased social and
0.3 economic freedom for women two was the
0.3 availability of the automobile and three
0.3 changes in fashion dance music and
0.3 literature women became involved for the
0.3 first time professionally in sexual
0.3 revolution that was brewing you may have
0.3 heard of Margaret Sanger who was the
0.3 leader in the birth control movement
0.3 Katherine Davis conducted surveys on the
0.3 sex lives of 2,200 women these were
0.3 published as a series of scientific
0.3 articles when the Great Depression hit
0.3 in 1929 the concern for food and shelter
0.3 took precedence over sex when world war
0.3 ii began the country was obviously
0.3 distracted by the war and the focus on
0.3 sex again dissipated during the
0.3 post-world War 2 era Alfred Kinsey who
0.3 was actually a zoologist at Indiana
0.3 University was asked to help teach a
0.3 course on marriage in 1938 he was struck
0.3 by the lack of scientific data regarding
0.3 human sexuality and so he gave out
0.3 questionnaires to his students that he
0.3 drafted himself after interviewing
0.3 12,000 men and women around the country
0.3 he published his classic book sexual
0.3 behavior in the human male in 1948 he
0.3 followed that with sexual behavior in
0.3 the human female in 1953 Kinsey reported
0.3 that 37% of men have had some homosexual
0.3 experience to orgasm past puberty he
0.3 reported that 40% of husbands are
0.3 unfaithful and that 62% of women
0.3 had tried masturbation now think back to
0.3 the 1940s and 1950s these proclamations
0.3 were extremely scandalous and
0.3 controversial in the aftermath of Kinsey
0.3 there was an era of sexual confusion
0.3 premarital sex became more commonplace
0.3 you remember may remember the classic
0.3 book Peyton Place which described some
0.3 form of promiscuity music started to
0.3 depict sexual themes in the 1950s women
0.3 were expected to be glamorous but
0.3 brainless think Marilyn Monroe in the
0.3 1960s of course there was a sexual
0.3 revolution three important things
0.3 happened in the 60s birth control pills
0.3 became available and made premarital sex
0.3 safer and more accessible there was a
0.3 protest movement sort of in the air
0.3 there was the civil rights movement
0.3 there was the anti-war demonstration
0.3 there was make love not war
0.3 sex was considered healthy and there was
0.3 a movement to the pathologized II
0.3 stigmatized sex and celebrate sex and
0.3 internalized a sex positive mentality
0.3 also the emergence of feminism in its
0.3 modern form was born in the 1960s female
0.3 sexuality was finally accepted as a
0.3 natural and healthy aspect of life I&;m
0.3 sure you&;ve heard of masters in Johnson
0.3 he was a physician
0.3 she was a behavioral scientist they met
0.3 at Washington University Medical School
0.3 in st. Louis they were really the first
0.3 people to add anatomy and physiology to
0.3 the mix of studying sexuality they
0.3 actually conducted laboratory
0.3 investigations beginning in 1954 by 1965
0.3 more than 10,000 episodes of sexual
0.3 activity had been observed and
0.3 documented by Masters and Johnson and
0.3 they
0.3 published their hallmark book human
0.3 sexual response in 1966 another classic
0.3 book is the joy of sex by Alex comfort
0.3 which was published in 1972 many of the
0.3 women that I treat who grew up in the
0.3 70s recall getting this book as a bridal
0.3 gift or from their mother prior to their
0.3 honeymoon and it&;s an oldie but a goodie
0.3 and another book that is proudly
0.3 displayed on my shelf certain trends
0.3 emerged there was a loosening around
0.3 cohabitation and people felt free to
0.3 live together without being married
0.3 there was also the legalization of
0.3 abortion in 1973 with the hallmark
0.3 Supreme Court case Roe versus Wade in
0.3 1974 there was a decision to remove
0.3 homosexuality as a mental disorder from
0.3 the DSM there was a growing awareness of
0.3 significance around sexual victimization
0.3 the creation of rape crisis centers for
0.3 example occurred during that time there
0.3 was also a explosion in innovative
0.3 reproductive technology the first
0.3 test-tube baby was born in 1978
0.3 and suddenly you could get a surrogate
0.3 mother to carry your baby and these
0.3 innovations in medicine and technology
0.3 opened up opportunities for women in
0.3 many many ways in the late 70s and early
0.3 80&;s as with many trends they swing from
0.3 right to left there was a conservative
0.3 backlash you may have heard of the moral
0.3 majority and groups such as right to
0.3 life so these are just a few examples of
0.3 how sexuality over the years has changed
0.3 has impacted women&;s status when
0.3 financial power and a woman&;s control
0.3 over her own body
0.3 I think this introduction will add
0.3 richness to my interview and I am going
0.3 to play that for you now so let&;s get
0.3 sex savvy I&;m very happy today to
0.3 introduce my guest her name is just
0.3 loveth she&;s a therapist in Oakland
0.3 California
0.3 specializing in out-of-control sexual
0.3 behavior with a particular interest in
0.3 focus on treating women just thank you
0.3 for coming on sex savvy welcome thank
0.3 you for having me
0.3 why don&;t you start by just explaining
0.3 tonight listen out-of-control sexual
0.3 behavior is and how you diagnose that in
0.3 my practice I really try to err on the
0.3 side of not over pathologizing so the
0.3 person coming in is already in a lot of
0.3 pain and I don&;t want to heap you now
0.3 have a disorder on top of that so what I
0.3 do is and what with OCS B we let the
0.3 client come in and they say usually I
0.3 have a client come in and say I&;m a sex
0.3 addict and I my first question is what
0.3 does that mean breaking it down and with
0.3 OCS B it&;s not about behaves specific
0.3 behaviors or frequency it&;s really about
0.3 what&;s feeling out of control for that
0.3 person what I noticed about the women
0.3 coming in with OCS B is this through
0.3 line of women coming in having
0.3 internalized gender stereotypes in other
0.3 words they are coming in thinking they
0.3 have out-of-control sexual behavior
0.3 oftentimes because of how they have been
0.3 taught explicitly and implicitly how a
0.3 woman should be sexually so a lot of
0.3 what I&;m working with when I&;m working
0.3 with women before we even get to what
0.3 feels like the out of control thoughts
0.3 behaviors and feelings we start with
0.3 what does this look like for you and how
0.3 might this be influenced by societal
0.3 norms an internalized stereotype you
0.3 know what I sometimes talk about this I
0.3 talk about it as puritanical hypocrisy
0.3 yeah because it&;s I mean the message is
0.3 you must be both at the same time the
0.3 [ __ ] and the Madonna exactly when I&;m
0.3 working with women as far as translating
0.3 this book I&;m just gonna be doing case
0.3 examples essentially with women instead
0.3 of men as I go through this model and as
0.3 I was doing research because I&;ve been
0.3 doing a lot of research on cisgendered
0.3 women&;s sexuality throughout history and
0.3 if you start doing that and going down
0.3 that rabbit hole you start noticing very
0.3 quickly that most of the research and
0.3 assessment and treatment it&;s all been
0.3 created by men right and so I think
0.3 there should be an element when you&;re
0.3 working with women of a woman&;s
0.3 consciousness to balance the scales so
0.3 as I go through this history I&;m
0.3 starting to do more research on well
0.3 what do women have to say about this at
0.3 these different times in history you&;re
0.3 really looking at it from a historical
0.3 and cultural perspective yes yes and in
0.3 this narrative that that was really
0.3 cemented back in when the church came
0.3 along the Christian Church came along
0.3 laid down the foundation of women&;s
0.3 worth is correlated with their ability
0.3 to be a mother and a good wife and
0.3 non-sexual and so all of the things I
0.3 know at the same time yes doing all of
0.3 that history and the research on women&;s
0.3 sexuality what I noticed were certain
0.3 landmark points that have influenced how
0.3 women internalize these gender
0.3 stereotypes I just want to throw out
0.3 there that this is all a work in
0.3 progress so this is by no means
0.3 something that I am presenting as a
0.3 finished product
0.3 I&;m just so it
0.3 excited about this topic that I want to
0.3 start disseminating information and
0.3 having people think about it and
0.3 contribute these are four notable
0.3 categories that women have struggled
0.3 with sexually throughout history the
0.3 first is birth control that involves the
0.3 pill abortion and forced sterilization
0.3 the line is the levels at which women
0.3 and their sexuality are affected by the
0.3 investment people have in who decides if
0.3 conception leads to birth and so how
0.3 does that affect a woman going into a
0.3 sexual relationship if she doesn&;t have
0.3 control over the outcome of what might
0.3 happen so if we&;re talking about just
0.3 power over your own body an example of
0.3 this in a clinical setting would be
0.3 there are some women who don&;t seriously
0.3 consider the repercussions of having sex
0.3 or actively trying to get pregnant in
0.3 order to maintain an attachment there&;s
0.3 women who because they&;re are so deeply
0.3 wanting to be with that person they are
0.3 willing to risk unprotected sex even if
0.3 they don&;t want to have a child because
0.3 of their partner and so this is all
0.3 about the reproductive choice and
0.3 control the next point would be sexual
0.3 imagery or pornography in this idea of
0.3 self pleasure when you&;re thinking about
0.3 women and pornography it&;s not really an
0.3 allegation that most porn is made for
0.3 heterosexual men it&;s just a fact
0.3 although there has been this movement of
0.3 feminist porn which is real pleasure for
0.3 women in an ethical workplace and women
0.3 aren&;t coerced it&;s still challenging
0.3 the stereotypes of female sexuality and
0.3 also a lot of women are now looking
0.3 towards this sexual imagery as sexual
0.3 education as opposed to this is
0.3 entertainment and when women are coming
0.3 in and they&;re talking about I&;m a sex
0.3 addict because I watch porn you know X
0.3 amount of times a week I start
0.3 came in with them about well what do you
0.3 consider too much and then we start
0.3 going into maybe their background like
0.3 it does it have to do is it influenced
0.3 by religion is it influenced by their
0.3 partner not wanting them to look at this
0.3 imagery or messages from their mom about
0.3 anything there&;s so many variables that
0.3 leave a legacy on how when women&;s
0.3 relationship with their own bodies with
0.3 pornography with imagery with erotica
0.3 with it&;s loaded definitely loaded right
0.3 and there&;s also a myth of women not
0.3 watching pornography which is false I
0.3 was looking at a few different studies
0.3 and around 30 % of women watch
0.3 pornography once a week it also deeply
0.3 affects body image right not just for
0.3 women but in terms of what men expect
0.3 how men expect women to look and respond
0.3 to so it cuts across both yeah it does
0.3 and it also you know just little things
0.3 like I have women coming in saying I
0.3 have a sexual problem because I make
0.3 certain sounds and it&;s because they
0.3 have never seen women make sounds right
0.3 or I treat a woman now who is a
0.3 so-called squirter and one of her past
0.3 lovers said you know that it was
0.3 disgusting and that he needed to shower
0.3 and really shamed her for that and then
0.3 on the other hand you have guys who are
0.3 wanting and demanding that their
0.3 partners have that female ejaculation so
0.3 it really it really depends on both
0.3 parties and their comfort and
0.3 expectations yeah and so women coming in
0.3 basically what that would look like is
0.3 some a woman coming in and either saying
0.3 you know I watched too much pornography
0.3 or I keep altering my body because I
0.3 feel like it doesn&;t match what it
0.3 should are you talking like cosmetic
0.3 surgery yeah I feel of the men who are
0.3 bleaching their vaginas and vulvas and a
0.3 name anuses
0.3 yes I haven&;t had anyone actually have
0.3 surgery yet but I have heard
0.3 now I&;ve had a lot of women have surgery
0.3 the so-called revirginization or
0.3 rejuvenation surgery right usually
0.3 that&;s around those would be the out of
0.3 control thoughts just this rumination of
0.3 I&;m broken or there&;s something wrong
0.3 with me
0.3 the next point would be economic parity
0.3 so now that women are definitely
0.3 starting to make more money and
0.3 sometimes even more than their partners
0.3 they&;re the role reversal and it really
0.3 throws the sexual piece of the
0.3 relationship for a loop so women
0.3 historically have had less of a choice
0.3 around what they wanted sexually and who
0.3 they wanted sexually and whether or not
0.3 they wanted to stay in the marriage or
0.3 partnership because of who was making
0.3 money and now that women you know like a
0.3 woman will be married she will will or
0.3 will not have a child but let&;s say she
0.3 has a child the child goes to school she
0.3 goes back to work and then realizes that
0.3 she wants something and there&;s not
0.3 really a match with her partner she is
0.3 no longer as dependent on that person
0.3 financially that shifts the power
0.3 dynamic absolutely and so sometimes that
0.3 can look like the partner sinking that
0.3 she has a sexual problem or
0.3 out-of-control behavior if she&;s
0.3 choosing something other than the
0.3 partner then her partner because now
0.3 that she has this power to make that
0.3 choice I&;ve treated a lot of men who
0.3 feel emasculated because they&;re white
0.3 or female partner earns more money than
0.3 they do and it affects their capacity to
0.3 complete the phases of sexual response
0.3 so it&;s a projection it&;s it&;s an
0.3 internal sense of inadequacy that they
0.3 then blame the wife for or they withhold
0.3 sex to try to regain the up position as
0.3 I&;m talking about all of these I&;m just
0.3 wanting to like reiterate that this is
0.3 these are just the ways that women
0.3 may internalize what they think is out
0.3 of control behavior when they come in
0.3 you&;re wanting to deep apologize
0.3 assumptions that women have about their
0.3 sexual behavior and feelings but do you
0.3 find that there are women who you would
0.3 say are legitimately out of control with
0.3 their sexual behavior and it&;s not based
0.3 on these four hallmark criteria that you
0.3 put out absolutely yes okay so it&;s
0.3 really about teasing out at
0.3 differentiating what is based on these
0.3 cultural stereotypes versus an actual
0.3 problematic situation right I mean I
0.3 just wanted before we even go into the
0.3 out-of-control behaviors themselves I
0.3 want to make sure that it&;s not about
0.3 this internalized gender stereotype the
0.3 fourth point is kind of I haven&;t really
0.3 been able to flush this one out but I
0.3 it&;s kind of like the catch-all for
0.3 female sexuality and just
0.3 intersectionality so this is how female
0.3 sexuality intersects with so many other
0.3 variables and how it may present in the
0.3 room and we&;re talking race sexual
0.3 orientation financial privilege
0.3 able-body nests and body type it&;s a
0.3 great list yeah well it&;s just I&;m
0.3 really trying to figure out a way to
0.3 label this or name this section still so
0.3 that is the work in progress I was doing
0.3 some consulting with clinicians who work
0.3 with intersectionality and specifically
0.3 I was talking about race and a good
0.3 point was brought up about history of
0.3 women and slavery does a woman of color
0.3 even own her own body and that has like
0.3 this deep deep underlying potential
0.3 narrative and how is it lingered in the
0.3 minds of women of color and women of
0.3 color perhaps not even being able
0.3 afforded the opportunity to think about
0.3 sex as pleasure because they&;ve lived in
0.3 a survival mode and then from an OCSP
0.3 perspective this
0.3 how is this sexual behavior and attempt
0.3 to address one of these
0.3 intersectionalities it might be like a
0.3 self-made treatment plan you know that&;s
0.3 just not working how do you incorporate
0.3 if at all effect regulation and
0.3 attachment style into your work
0.3 oh it&;s deeply deeply integrated so I
0.3 was in a study group for a period of
0.3 time with Allan schore and he does the
0.3 modern attachment theory which is the
0.3 interpersonal neurobiology of attachment
0.3 so I definitely work from a base of the
0.3 family of origin lays down a
0.3 physiological as well as a environmental
0.3 template of how we relate to other
0.3 people even explaining that much to a
0.3 client can shine a light bulb absolutely
0.3 yeah I mean I very much work with
0.3 attachment styles and then regulating
0.3 and grounding around when you&;re trying
0.3 to build space between thought and
0.3 behavior it just manifest sexually
0.3 because if you think about how if the
0.3 family of origin lays down this template
0.3 physiologically well your sexual
0.3 throughout your entire life exactly you
0.3 know and so as you develop and then you
0.3 go in and you hit puberty and you&;re
0.3 still developing sexually and you still
0.3 have that template with attachment and
0.3 so it&;s just going to develop it&;s just
0.3 going to become more apparent sexually
0.3 if I have ruled out all of these these
0.3 points that I&;ve mentioned and it really
0.3 does appear that this client is
0.3 struggling and without of control sexual
0.3 behavior I explained this what&;s called
0.3 the six principles of sexual health in
0.3 the Harvey
0.3 uh-huh correct that&;s what Michael VIII
0.3 Garrido and Harvey came up with and and
0.3 these six principles are based on the
0.3 WHI World Health Organization a
0.3 definition of what is sexual health and
0.3 so they took these principles and the
0.3 first is consent which is
0.3 just straightforward are both partners
0.3 experiencing the sex without coercion or
0.3 violence and then the second principle
0.3 is non exploitative meaning does one of
0.3 these people have or multiple people
0.3 missing the relationship you have are
0.3 they all feeling as equal partners
0.3 you know one person is not holding any
0.3 kind of emotional power and exploiting
0.3 that power or it&;s not a boss employee
0.3 situation you know it&;s it really feels
0.3 equal and it&;s respectful and affirming
0.3 the third principle is protection from
0.3 STI is HIV and pregnancy so this goes
0.3 back to this idea of is the person
0.3 protecting themselves ie are they using
0.3 condoms if they&;re both in agreement on
0.3 using condoms are they not using a
0.3 condom because they want to keep their
0.3 partner and their partner doesn&;t like
0.3 the way it feels which is a form of
0.3 coercion right now correct and
0.3 exploitation it&;s also glycation yes it
0.3 clicks the consent and the exploitation
0.3 box mmhmm yeah and a lot of these
0.3 out-of-control feelings thoughts and
0.3 behaviors go through you know really hit
0.3 a few of these different principles the
0.3 fourth is honesty are you and whoever
0.3 you&;re in this relationship with in the
0.3 same relationship you know are you are
0.3 you open about your desires fantasies
0.3 feelings in to enjoy this this sex and
0.3 the intimacy yeah and your status like
0.3 maybe you&;re married to someone else
0.3 correct yeah correct and are you being
0.3 honest about it because there&;s there
0.3 are open marriages v is shared values
0.3 what does sex mean to you as opposed to
0.3 the person you&;re having sex with and
0.3 conflicting attitudes desire discrepancy
0.3 and then mutual pleasure are you truly
0.3 enjoying what you&;re doing or are you
0.3 trying to fulfill the needs of the
0.3 relationship so if someone wanted to
0.3 learn more about you how would they get
0.3 ahold of you Jess
0.3 well you can check out my website it&;s
0.3 East – Bay therapy.com so EAS T – ba Y
0.3 therapy calm and that&;s not only is that
0.3 you know that does that talk about what
0.3 I do but it&;s also got links to some
0.3 really good resources wonderful I would
0.3 also say if you&;re a clinician and or if
0.3 you&;re just interested in what
0.3 out-of-control sexual behavior is I
0.3 totally want to plug Doug and Michael&;s
0.3 book it&;s called treating out-of-control
0.3 sexual behavior rethinking sexual
0.3 addiction wonderful it&;s just a fabulous
0.3 book and I think I have a couple of
0.3 things on YouTube from a long time ago
0.3 and I want to just own that you know
0.3 when I made those videos I was still
0.3 very much steeped in the 12-step model
0.3 and so I think that it&;s important as a
0.3 clinician to be able to to own that you
0.3 know you should you shift of course
0.3 we&;re all developing all the time our
0.3 views are the theories that make sense
0.3 to us the models we utilize that you
0.3 know over time yeah and I think that
0.3 yeah there are still pieces of those
0.3 videos that I actually agree with and I
0.3 still find really fascinating I mean
0.3 even in those videos I&;m talking about
0.3 the attachment piece of it you know
0.3 which I still very much feel is
0.3 important I ask all of my guests at the
0.3 end of the interview what is the most
0.3 meaningful or fulfilling aspect of their
0.3 work
0.3 what would you how would you answer that
0.3 I think normalizing for me you know just
0.3 people that come in and they&;re so
0.3 distraught around these fundamental
0.3 pieces of human behavior you know sex
0.3 and sexuality is such a right on a
0.3 healthy sexuality and an enjoyable
0.3 pleasurable sexuality is a right you
0.3 know of everybody and I think to
0.3 normalize that when they&;re having
0.3 conflict people have conflict with their
0.3 own identity and with their own
0.3 sexuality and
0.3 that&;s okay and we can talk about this
0.3 and you&;re not alone that validation is
0.3 so therapeutic
0.3 yeah and in creating the attachment in
0.3 the room so that the room is like a pate
0.3 redo SH and then they can take it and
0.3 then go experiment on the outside well
0.3 thank you so much just Levin for talking
0.3 to us today
0.3 yeah thank you for having me and best of
0.3 luck with your concepts and I look
0.3 forward to the book that you publish one
0.3 day okay thank you so much all right
0.3 you&;ve been listening to sex savvy if
0.3 you find value in this podcast please
0.3 like and follow share comment or review
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0.3 participation helps keep sex savvy free
0.3 and available to all who are interested
0.3 Kimberly and the entire sex savvy team
0.3 appreciate your loyalty and support
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0.3 you
0.3 [Music]
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