Un éclairage sur « porn addiction » par Soft White Underbelly
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La vidéo a une durée de 00:45:22 secondes, un titre de Porn Addict interview-Gerard et est présentée par [vid_author_name]. Voici la description correspondante :« Interview du ventre blanc doux et portrait de Gerard, un toxicomane en convalescence en Ft. Worth, Texas. Vous vous sentez coincé? BetterHelp facilite la thérapie, avec 10% de réduction sur votre premier mois pour vous aider à démarrer: https://www.betterhelp.com/softwhiteunderbelly (parrainé par Betterhelp). Pour des vidéos non censées et non censurées et beaucoup de contenu exclusif, veuillez vous abonner à la chaîne d’abonnement sous-volet à blanc doux à https://softwhiteunderbelly.com. Il est 10 $ par mois et regardable sur les applications mobiles Apple et Android, Roku TV, Apple TV et Amazon Fire. Voici comment acheter les livres et marchands de sous-volets blancs doux: https://softwhiteunderbelly.org. #swu #SoftwhiteUnderBelly #Documentary #Marklaita #Humans #AddictionRecovery #growingUp #recoveryjourney #mentalhealth #relationships #companionship (tagstotranslate) Soft White Underbelly ».
YouTube est une plateforme où les créateurs peuvent partager leurs idées, allant de contenus informatifs à des discussions plus personnelles, tout en garantissant le respect des règles et de la diversité. C’est un lieu d’échange sécurisé qui favorise la réflexion sur une multitude de thématiques.
Créer un cadre organisé pour se libérer de la dépendance
Réaliser un espace qui soutient la relaxation
Limiter l’accès aux contenus pornographiques avec des outils tels que des extensions de navigateur ou des applications de contrôle parental est une approche utile. Promouvoir des activités créatives et productives peut aussi être un moyen de réduire les compulsions.
Fixer des intentions claires et accessibles
Le processus de sevrage s’initie par des objectifs concrets, comme la réduction du temps passé à regarder du porno. Il doit aussi inclure une analyse des causes profondes et des bénéfices futurs qui motivent l’abstinence.
Mettre en œuvre des approches pour gérer les envies
Apprendre à identifier les éléments déclencheurs et à les éviter est un processus clé. Les solutions incluent la thérapie comportementale, des pratiques saines et un réseau de soutien.
Renouveler son identité en se détachant de la pornographie
Des relations solides favorisent un environnement positif
Les relations réelles renforcent l’épanouissement sexuel et remplacent les attentes irréalistes des contenus en ligne
Adopter une approche éthique de la sexualité
Choisir une sexualité éthique contribue à renforcer le respect de soi et des autres dans les relations intimes L’arrêt de la pornographie demande une réflexion approfondie, des ressources adéquates et un accompagnement continu. Grâce à la compréhension de la dépendance et à une démarche planifiée, on peut surmonter cette dépendance et vivre une sexualité plus saine. Adopter des habitudes saines et prendre conscience des effets négatifs est un premier pas il y a des options pour ceux qui veulent progresser comme la méthode de www.chastete.fr www.chastete.fr.
Intégrer des actions positives pour un bien-être à long terme
Se consacrer à des activités nourrissantes, telles que la méditation ou le yoga, peut améliorer l’équilibre intérieur et diminuer les impulsions
Appréhender la dépendance à la consommation pornographique
Analyser les changements induits par le porno dans les activités journalières
L’addiction nuit à la qualité des relations sexuelles, à la perception de soi et à la capacité de développer des relations significatives. Une surconsommation de porno peut provoquer une fixation émotionnelle sur ces supports
Évaluer les ressorts psychologiques à l’origine des comportements
Les mécanismes cérébraux de récompense, activés par la pornographie, libèrent de la dopamine, encourageant des schémas addictifs et alimentant un cercle vicieux de mal-être émotionnel.
Identifier les preuves d’un comportement addictif
Une consommation immodérée de pornographie, typique de l’addiction, peut générer un isolement, des conflits et une baisse de confiance en soi.
Se tourner vers les diverses formes d’assistance disponibles
Prendre contact avec un professionnel en santé mentale
Solliciter l’aide d’un professionnel des dépendances comportementales, comme un psychologue formé à la TCC, permet d’identifier les causes sous-jacentes et de bénéficier d’une approche adaptée.
Adhérer à des groupes de partage et de soutien
Les groupes de soutien sont des espaces où chacun peut partager son expérience, recevoir des conseils pratiques et bénéficier du soutien des autres sur la voie du rétablissement.
Intégrer des applications et outils numériques pour suivre son évolution
Certaines applications et outils numériques aident à suivre les progrès, en envoyant des rappels motivants et en favorisant l’adoption d’habitudes positives pour réduire l’exposition à des contenus pornographiques.
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#Porte #dentretien #accro #porno
Retranscription des paroles de la vidéo: you know when I was like four years old I’d watch pornography for the first time and just since then I always knew that I was like into women you know even just like like the the imagery of it like it it burns into your brain it it it’s like this this Cornerstone of this area of your life that you’re not qu familiar with yet that you don’t you just don’t have the key to open this door and it’s just always there and that’s what I feel like sex was to me was like this door that I just couldn’t open that I like was just like shaking on the handles she just like let me in like let me in and you know growing up my parents were had acted pretty loose around us as kids more so on my dad’s side than my mom and well her her side has her flaws too but my dad D he was a pretty open with displaying affection towards my mother and um which is healthy which is healthy yes but um sometimes it would kind of go a little off track um like I remember some instances he would like kind of sexually gratify her but not nothing like too overt like you know as as like 6 years old like he like grabbed our ass like oh you look good and like things like that but I think as we had progressed as our age had sort of moved on I also come from a family of six so privacy and Community are like very separate things more about community and our family than privacy and um raising three boys with one girl and um trying to balance that out with um respect and having the sort of conviction to know like what kind of of behaviors are right and wrong for children to watch and to participate in it just there are all these variables in my family that made it hard for them to sort of guide us in the right way in our upbringing so I’d watched porn for the first time when I was four and you know knowing that what I had liked I’d also kind of grown a sort of distaste towards men as I’d grown and I feel like that’s part of why I am the way I am now is you know obviously watching that at 4 it it gives you like a very limited amount of information to go by with how to treat a woman and obviously watching you know sex at four years old you’re not really taught anything positive or anything that would benefit you as a person from that you’re not like you don’t learn how to respect a women by watching porn or you don’t learn how to have a proper conversation by watching that but it’s it’s just the one thing you just kind of want to find an answer in you know even if it’s not in line with what reality is yeah well four years old it’s awfully young yeah it was very young but you know growing up in school I kind of knew how to separate my adult thoughts from just me being a kid you know from like shooting Nerf darts or like holding the flesh up for my dad while he’s fixing the car so I had a lot of camaraderie in my childhood but my school I felt pretty lonely I feel like I didn’t think like my peers especially for how mature my mind was for my age I I knew that these thoughts that I had about what I wanted later on was just was just something that was just too high for me to reach up and it kind of created this tension between me and how I felt with women as I grown into my teens so when I was 6 years old my dad gifted me this old Huawei phone this like old Chinese this you know one of these one of these really shitty cheap phones that had internet access so that’s how I I’d learned to use the internet and I started just like just like I don’t know just opening up the browser and just like scrolling down like just seeing things that I you know whatever I can see and then I realize you can actually pull up the keyboard and type in words and then you press enter on the keyboard and you can just you find information that’s just how stretching shut up on the internet works so I come home one day and I’m in fourth grade and by this time I already known how to use the phone pretty well I known how to look up and today’s video is 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you’re feeling stuck click on the link in the description or visit betterhelp.com SL soft white underbelly to get 10% off your first month of therapy because taking care of yourself isn’t about waiting for perfect it’s about showing up for yourself every day thank you for watching and now back to the video somewhere somewhere down the line before that I had heard of the word porn I don’t know what side of my family had came from I feel like it might have came from my dad’s side because um with his family being bigger than what we are it kind of limited the bandw worth for his parents to be very present in his shood too and this is also kind of a really mess up thing for me to say but um he really didn’t have a dad until he was 15 or 16 cuz um his dad actually passed from Alzheimer’s and it had um started to set as he was 14 or 15 and so by the time he was 17 he had to drop out of high school to wash his dad to change his diapers and um um the same had to go for my other siblings to to take care of each other and um ultimately he died in September 2001 just 3 months after I was born when he was uh 26 I believe my mother her family wasn’t the best either as she had legally immigrated here from Suchi Durango I’m not quite sure when but uh her family had nothing either and uh you know as her mother had fallen ill from dementia and diabetes um some of her family ended up with some cocaine issues which made things a lot more complicated you know um we were taking turns um housing her mom and uh the dementia had gotten so bad for her that she didn’t know who she was standing in front of and I remember one time I was like sitting right next to her and she made a comment about my long hair saying like he needs to chop it off or he looks gay or just some some degrading that comes with that Macho Mexican thing which I I try not to abide too much by because I don’t I don’t think there’s a lot of healthy behaviors in that sort of demographic so I come home one day and it’s like a rainy September come home from school and I’m just mindlessly flipping through the channels and I end up on Spike TV of all the programs to end up on you know the like the dudes and just like all the masculine things you see are on that that program and I don’t remember what it was that I exactly seen it was like a it was a scene from a movie but it involved this girl that was dressed provocatively and then for some reason the imagery of that had just prompted the the four-letter word pouring to just pop into my nine-year-old brain I don’t know where IID picked it up but it just flashed back into me and you know being being a curious from such a young age and then finally having something to sort of go off by and then being able to put that into like the Oracle of the internet is it’s it’s not a good it’s not a recipe for good it it certainly my mind over a lot so I realized you know how hard is it to spell the letter the letter the fourl word porn when you’re nine like p o r n so I just type it into the keyboard and just this influx of imagery just hits my brain like a train and I could feel my mind tingling and changing from just watching all these women and different positions and and it it had really starting to loosen the chains on my mind and that’s when the the depravity really start started to begin for me was when I was nine so I had started masturbating not even that long after it I don’t know how much of this porn consumption it had initially taken for me to learn but I remember only liking the imagery of the female body I don’t know what it was that Drew me um maybe the fact that ID watched poring when I was four years old probably might have a factor in that but I had started to masturbate I don’t even know how long after I had first started to watch porn and I had became instantly addicted to it I was doing it every single day from fourth grade all the way up until my early 20s and I’m 23 now so I don’t want to seem like a saint when I say I’ve stopped doing it because it’s not as easy as just saying that I’ve stopped masturbating and watching porn there are still psychological side effects that come with it and definitely one of the bigger psychological side effects that has came with uh porn addiction is just my struggle with interacting with women and I have a girlfriend now she’s she’s been with me for six years and you know she’s a saint I told her literally as soon as I got off the phone with you I told her you know that I’m going to do this and I’d always joked around with her beforehand you know I want to and she’s like what are you going to talk about and I some something like really personal but you know I show you that email and not even that long you shoot you shoot me an email back or Noel and I was like oh um but she’s a saint definitely a saint but I do want to tell one story that I’ve never told her that I feel like is kind of emblematic of what the what I might have become from this so we were going to a show one day in Dallas Texas and we were going on with a bunch of group of friends and it’s crowded it’s late at night you know people are dancing and moving and a a friend from our group was coming in a little late so she sends me out to go you know find her in the crowd you know take her in from the back and then just kind of lead her through the pit back up to our group so I said sure of course I’ll do that so I’m making my way from the barricade we were at the front of the show and I’m you know trying to swim my way back through the pit and as soon as I get through the pit towards the um back half of the crowd this girl who I’d never met but was mutual friends with from an old friend from high school just like bumped in bumped into me out of nowhere and I don’t know if it was like with intention or just randomly but it was it was this this girl who I’d been following for I don’t know like a week or so from this mutual friend and she bumps into me and instantly introduces herself which again that kind of like set off this this like light in my head like what are you going to do what do you say your your girlfriend’s there I don’t want to do anything but at at the same time I don’t know what to say like like my thoughts and my feelings were on just different sides of the room and this girl she comes up to me she’s like hey how are you doing and you know we’re like shooting the breeze for one second and and just like this was it right here when she like grabs my hands like grabs both my hands like out of nowhere and she like caresses this both these parts of my hands with her thumbs and like I don’t know what it was but that like triggered this like this deep reaction within me and like like everything had slowed down for a second and like and I feel like I experienced some sort of dissociative mental episode that made me forget the person I was and took me back to this person who I really didn’t like inside of me this person that had grown within me after years and years of this addiction had finally came to head Within Me In This Moment and there was a lot of tension within me but I stood my ground and I said no and obviously I’m not sure if there was any ulterior motives from there you know um she said she was with this mutual friend so who knows but the way I perceived it was so distorted and that Distortion had come from over a decade literally over a decade of straight porn addiction you know I was so depraved um it had gotten to the point where I was doing it four times a day and you know when you’re in high school you’re doing it four times a day and you’re isolating yourself it um it really doesn’t do you any good um so back to fourth grade I had started learning how to masturbate and I didn’t fully understand what I was doing to my mind and my body from a young age and growing up at home um feeling alone in school I was one of the few Mexican kids in a primarily white school that combined with my lack of social skills and my awkward personality sort of just led me to not have friends you know coming up in school but home life I had plenty of caderie um my dad’s side of the family definitely had more community but were bothered with depravity a little more and I think that came with just them losing their father at the age of 16 or mentally they lost their father at the age of 16 physically um I think they were all in their 20s 30s um but I’m growing up at home I’m learning these words from my dad and my uncles and I’m seeing these behaviors being exercised by adults who I probably shouldn’t have been hanging out around not by the fault of my parents but just finding myself alone in in a public space with someone um just watching these behaviors you know watching somebody just as simple as smoke a cigarette would just kind of take my mind down this Rabbit Hole like what do adults do you know like when the doors closed what do they do and that caused a lot of rumination for me during my adolescence and growing up I’m in puberty I’m going through puberty I’m 13 years old now and I’m starting to ask a lot more questions about girlfriends and sex and now I’m finally starting to question my myself like what am I doing you know I’ve been doing I’ve been literally I don’t know I can’t find the word to describe it i’ had been just like relenting no i’ I’d been relenting to my addiction for so long that I remember one day I I’d finish and I just this like that 1 second wave of pleasure was just immediately cut off by this sense of disgust physically and mentally I I I remember just questioning myself like what is this like what am I doing but because I didn’t have the conviction to really ask any more questions I just I just um suppressed these questioning thoughts about myself and continued to please myself to these non-existent women but but afterwards you would have feelings of disgust yes I that really only started as I grown into my teens and I started to see that my peers were getting girlfriends but I wasn’t so I started to feel like something might have been wrong with me and this kind of would start to Bubble Up inside of me throughout High School up until it would really start to erupt when I entered into a relationship with this girl now this girl has done some things earlier than me and by the time I had met her when I was 16 and she was 15 she had lost her virginity to someone who was 18 and it’s very weird that I’m putting this out there I don’t know if she’s found this out yet but the guy who she lost her virginity to ended up raping a friend of mine a few years later and I found this out while I’m dating this girl and it was at this point that I I felt like things were weird and I felt like a lot of these a lot of the the things I had seen by this time were just like coming from left field for me and I felt like I maybe should have taken my two steps back and turned around but I didn’t um that that part of me I feel like came out as I grew up my parents isolated us pretty pretty heavily they didn’t let us go out much they didn’t let us sleep over or go to a friend’s house very very often we were very sheltered as kids I mean even my girlfriend talks about it she says like you have like no cultural knowledge on things like I I’ve never seen pul fiction like I watched Friday for the first time like two years ago and like I like everybody was like what the like how are you how can you be so uncultured and it’s just I was just isolated a lot as a kid you know all four of us I come from a family of six so um it definitely having four children definitely limited the band worth for our parents to be able to be present for us intellectually and emotionally so a lot of the raising was just kind of left to um just uh silent obedience you know anytime um we show Defiance to our parents it was uh it was a pretty big inconvenience for them but um you know looking back now seeing that they didn’t have they didn’t come from good families themselves either it’s a little more easy to understand but I still felt very very alone in my life as as a child despite the camaraderie that I had with my siblings I still felt very misunderstood and I feel like me being me having a mature mind for my young age um I would kind of observe that and make these assumptions about myself like no no other kid would think this way you know what how are you going to talk to your nine-year-old kid about what porn is about what he could do to your brain they don’t they don’t have the conviction to fully understand that it sounds like you OD though that there was something wrong with that behavior yeah I I didn’t fully understand that there might have been something wrong with it but I was definitely starting to question it like why am I doing this and i’ really only recognized just about two months ago that I had like a 10-year porn addiction that I had sort of sweeped under the rug for myself psychologically and um as some other things started to come up in my life um some pretty big inconveniences started to come up I had uh really started to let myself go and uh this was when I was 15 you know when I was in this relationship with this girl and uh she would lead me to start to break the rules for my family like lying to them about where I’d be and staying out late and these things for people who are my age who might have been a little more defiant through their childhoods may may look at this and go this is small fry but to me with the way my upbringing was you know coming home even a minute late almost meant like a death sentence to me even though it it it very much likely wasn’t and it it certainly is not but I had started to really question my Merit as a man when I started to realize what I might be doing was wrong wrong in the sense of that I’m not attending to this relationship that I’m not doing with this girl wanted not wrong as in this is not a he behavior for me at 15 16 years old so one day my dad takes a day off of work and he almost never does and I tell this girl and she almost immediately has the idea for me to lie to him about her father wanting to meet me when she was Home Alone and this made me very nervous this made me very excited this I was just like filled with anxiety I don’t I I didn’t really know how to channel that that anxiety so I’m in my room and it’s like 8 o’clock in the morning it’s a very hot July summer very hot summer in July it’s very hot morning um I get the text where I’m we’re having this conversation and then you know his his day off comes up and she has the idea for me so I have this this mental battle with myself like no I shouldn’t lie to him but this is something you’ve been looking forward to all your life but no this is wrong I I’m still just a kid like I’ve never done anything like this yeah but wouldn’t it be so cool to tell your friends about this things like that so I told him I lied to him I gave him this story that we had concocted and then he takes me and I’m almost surprised that at how okay he was with just taking me to this random girl’s house who he had never never met before himself but um he took me and uh you know I I I get to her house and you know it ends up being my first sexual experience not my first real time but it ended up being my first sexual experience and I like to say this this now that I’m actually kind of glad that it wasn’t my first time you know I don’t think anybody should be losing their virginity at 16 years old let alone 14 but the things that I had uh done and seen in there not only that but um she broke up with me at that time which made the experience really strange for me and had made me start to ask more questions and have less answers about what it meant to be a man or what Sexual Energy is and how to control it and Sexual Energy is a real thing I think I’m very intimate with my own Sexual Energy but at the same time it can get very wild I have I have bouts of sexual desire sometimes but I practice chassity every day and I don’t ever want to go back to this place in my mind that the doors to which open every time I relent to this addiction it um it made me see this sort of version of my own personal hell and um I had created this cycle of pleasure and disdain that drove me insane by the time I was 15 and having that relationship certainly didn’t help so I leave that house like really confused um and I held a really nasty content towards women and girls and I’m 16 at the time I this this isn’t something that I don’t fully understand and I start talking to just random girls you know just trying to fill this hole while also having this wicked pornography addiction you know it’s pornography addiction is quite literally the grip of the devil I would say and it certainly created this this reflection in myself that had very low self-esteem um was very insecure did not see his own Merit and felt like he was never good enough and I had to start learning through interaction through subsequent interactions with women um Pleasant and unpleasant that my actions were a result of this emotional trauma that I had been allowing to determine my decisions and influence my behaviors and I didn’t quite know how to control it just yet but I had been I had started to inch closer towards an understanding by the time I had um met my current girlfriend and even then when I met her I still didn’t L on you know to kind of what my problem was I didn’t tell anybody what my problem was until literally recently you know I had first told her a few weeks ago and she kind of like she said that kind of makes sense which I didn’t I took no offense to you know we’ve been together for six years now and she’s seen some of the some of my lesser pleasurable behaviors but um she what was the the porn addiction getting in the way of the relationship in any way yeah psychologically um well emotionally it was definitely questioning her whenever she went out like I the way I cope with my low self-esteem is through humor so I would like joke about these hypothetical situations that I don’t really want to get into but I would basically make these jokes towards her as like a way of coping with this emotional problem that I had and she would obviously not be pleased by it and um like set off an argument or debate or whatever um but the physical aspect of it was a big part of it for sure I’d like I would lose my focus mentally is is how it started but physically is when it really me over like we’ be in the middle of foreplay and it’s it’s always like some sort of inconvenience like oh change the music or oh get this or I’ll get that and like 30 seconds later cuz like I have to like be focused when I’m I don’t know if that’s how you are but I have to be like focused for for me to be able to perform and then I lose like Focus for 10 seconds it’s like and like this is why she’s a saint to me is that she doesn’t like shame me or she doesn’t like like reprimand me like we’ll have like a little laugh a giggle and then like literally a couple minutes later we’re like Off to the Races so it’s like I’m I’m falling down here but she’s helping me and you know that’s why I think she’s such a she’s a Saint that’s great she’s like she was very open arms with it and I think women can I mean women have problems with these kind of things too oh yeah women they’re sensitive to things that are distracting or whatever yeah so they can relate yeah I think the biggest issue is if you feel shame or guilt or whatever about doing it without a partner that ultimately in a roundabout way it impacts your selfworth absolutely which will impact your ability to find a desirable mate or to it’ll affect your selfworth in terms of like your career and and other things in life yeah just the way you go through life yeah and that’s the biggest problem I see mhm yeah I think not talking about it is a big problem too for sure we have to address it we can’t just sweep the under the rug and you know let our husbands jerk off to porn and then come to find out he actually kills himself because some video about him goes out have you heard about this the goona side guy no so there is this this guy somewhere in I think it was in Arizona who um who really liked going to this particular coffee shop that um basically like a Hooters Starbucks you know you have Baristas with big tits you know servy coffee whatever well this guy who was married and had children decided it’d be a good idea to go to this place with his pants off and I guess I don’t know try to try to get his kicks there like at some point I feel like this is probably within all of us too that the depravity just overpowers your rationality and guys end up doing stupid crazy like pulling up to the driveway with their pants off and then obviously he gets filmed speeds off and then kills himself this guy killed himself over like his own addiction he he was at a drive-through or something he was at a drive-thru and um no pants without pants and this chick was filming him and he realizes it and it goes viral obviously you’re not a social media dude you don’t for that reason too probably he yeah he like sped off and I think like shortly after that he killed himself yeah it can shame is a terrible thing yeah it’s it’s terrible and I think it’s it can be very useless too I think you know old the olden days you know shame worked but I think with the dissolution of our collectivist society shame just doesn’t work anymore we don’t have like these groups of people who we want to show mar to we always want to show Merit to ourselves and I think part of that is the reason why we isolate and we’ve like like are just so up our own asses like just individualism is everywhere now you have no sense of community but you know that’s where I think shames failed us that once we stop holding other people accountable but um try to hold ourselves accountable in that same way in that same communal way it can probably create some disasters for you psychologically trying to like speak to yourself in a way somebody else would rather than speaking to yourself in a way you would towards somebody else who’s struggling is I think something we all get crisscrossed and can cause a lot of self-hate for us which is something I did for a very long time like I used to talk so much about myself like I hated myself like I just saw no merit even though I I knew I had my own capabilities I just I don’t know it’s a lot of the damage is just unseeable you can’t see it you can’t see the damage that porn does to these these guys Minds yeah that’s why I want these guys to watch this and not feel alone I don’t want I don’t want anybody who watches this to feel shame shame is not the way I think actualization might help but it’s actions that really do the work and for some people it’s just they’re just so stuck in their own ways I don’t know what it is I’ve met men who are still struggling with this um I’ve met older men in positions of power who still just like are being led with their dick and you can kind of see that and it like like when a man is distracted by sex it just his work up yep right everything up it everything up and that’s what it did for me I had stopped making music and I still don’t make music today but I practice reading it I practice trying to learn about it I love Steely Dan I love Frank Zappa great I love all these oh yeah chick coray returned to Forever i’ like I was a trained classical musician I forgot something I forgot to mention I was I was a trained classical musician from 12 years old all the way up to I was like 18 and that whole time I had a porn addiction I was like playing I’d be like practicing my music and then I’d be like finishing my evening with a you know with a quick nut that was like no that was like my nightly routine all throughout high school but um of course you know it it made that stockpile build up every single time every single time until it just this person just kind of got bigger than me this person who I hated you know just sort of ballooned up and I couldn’t ignore him anymore I had to I couldn’t run away from him I I I had to just face him and I didn’t like what I saw I didn’t like that I was I had started to become like a pathological liar I had started to display addictive behaviors like trying to act covertly um trying to make my life seem like it’s better than it really is which knowing everything knowing how I’m lying to all these people I don’t know why but I would still reprimand myself for things that I chosen to do so this cycle of self-hatred had been really integral to my being for like a really long time and I just couldn’t I like I couldn’t fight it fighting it was and when I mean fighting fighting I mean like fighting fighting it emotionally like I couldn’t I couldn’t think and cry and yell at myself to be this different person like that that wasn’t going to work that was something I had been trying subconsciously for so long and I think that’s what a lot of guys are doing today too is that too many guys just isolate themselves in their rooms just like I did and they just try to thank themselves into becoming a better person instead of actually going out and doing something worthwhile so I really only started started to break my my self-isolation in my late teens early 20s you know thanks to my kering girlfriend she she’s not as um she’s not as tolerable to as I am I guess we’ll fot it like that but that’s why I love her yeah it’s great that you have that yeah I’m lucky to have that yeah very lucky but um I hope all the guys watch this and if they don’t have anything to look towards to to work for they have something to work away from I think and I think it’s there’s more value in having just that than just the other it’s great that there’s somebody talking about it yeah at least now yeah everybody’s advertising the David goggin Clips the the Jordan Peterson clips like all these men are being advertised towards us I don’t think we give we give enough time to the guys who need that kind of stuff like these these men that are being advertised I think we’ve seen enough of them I think we should point the camera towards the guys who need to see like this and we need more guys who can be open about their issues I’ll bet you there are probably dozens of other guys that are in a similar situation yeah hundreds thousands even dozens of millions millions billions yeah all right J thank you so much thank you that was amazing thank you thanks for being so open and honest absolutely thank you for having me thank you when I was designing the first softwood underbelly book I realized that there were so many great portraits that weren’t going to make it into that book they just wouldn’t fit and once I saw how well that first book sold I knew I’d have to design a second book this second book is finally ready to ship like the first one this book has a collection of some of the best portraits from soft white underbelly accompanied by a quote from that person’s interview this book features another group of Rebecca portraits as well as a collection of color images of the Whitaker family and plenty of others you can order yours for $125 or $150 for a sign copy at softwhite underbelly dorg again like the first book once this book is sold out I will not be printing more of them the portraits are what softwood underbelly is all about and these two books contain the best of all that work thank you for watching .
Déroulement de la vidéo:
1.48 you know when I was like four years old I’d watch pornography for the first time and just since then I always knew that I
9.48 was like into women you know even just like like the the imagery of it like it
16.16 it burns into your brain it
22.039 it it’s like this this Cornerstone of
27.08 this area of your life that you’re not qu familiar with yet that you don’t you
32.559 just don’t have the key to open this door and it’s just always there and that’s what I feel like sex was to me
38.28 was like this door that I just couldn’t open that I like was just like shaking on the handles she just like let me in
43.64 like let me in and you know growing up my parents were
50.039 had acted pretty loose around us as kids more so on my dad’s side than my mom and
56.12 well her her side has her flaws too but my dad D he was a pretty open with
63.32 displaying affection towards my mother and um which is healthy which is healthy
69.28 yes but um sometimes it would kind of go a little off track um like I remember some
79.52 instances he would like kind of sexually gratify her but not nothing like too
86.64 overt like you know as as like 6 years old like he like grabbed our ass like oh you look good and like things like that
93.52 but I think as we had progressed as our age had sort of moved on I also come
98.759 from a family of six so privacy and Community are like very separate things
104.759 more about community and our family than privacy and um raising three boys with
109.799 one girl and um trying to balance that out with um respect
116.32 and having the sort of conviction to know like what kind of of behaviors are right and wrong for children to watch
124.479 and to participate in it just there are all these variables in my family that
129.959 made it hard for them to sort of guide us in the right way in our upbringing
136.08 so I’d watched porn for the first time when I was four and you know knowing
142.64 that what I had liked I’d also kind of grown a sort of distaste towards men as I’d grown and I feel like that’s part of
149.959 why I am the way I am now is you know obviously watching that at
156.879 4 it it gives you like a very limited amount of information to go by with how
162.599 to treat a woman and obviously watching you know sex at four years old
168.76 you’re not really taught anything positive or anything that would benefit you as a person from that you’re not
175.44 like you don’t learn how to respect a women by watching porn or you don’t learn how to have a proper conversation
180.8 by watching that but
185.92 it’s it’s just the one thing you just kind of want to find an answer in you know even if it’s not in line with what
191.92 reality is yeah well four years old it’s awfully young yeah it was very young but you know growing up in school
200.599 I kind of knew how to separate my adult thoughts from just me being a kid you
207.159 know from like shooting Nerf darts or like holding the flesh up for my dad while he’s fixing the
212.4 car so I had a lot of camaraderie in my childhood but my school I felt pretty
219.2 lonely I feel like I didn’t think like my peers especially for how mature my
225.92 mind was for my age I I knew that these
231.04 thoughts that I had about what I wanted later on was just
236.76 was just something that was just too high for me to reach up and it kind of created this tension
244.079 between me and how I felt with women as I grown into my teens so when I was 6 years old my dad
254.68 gifted me this old Huawei phone this like old Chinese this you know one of these one of these really shitty cheap
260.4 phones that had internet access so that’s how I I’d learned to use the
265.919 internet and I started just like just like I don’t know just opening
272.88 up the browser and just like scrolling down like just seeing things that I you know whatever I can see and then I realize you can actually pull up the
278.8 keyboard and type in words and then you press enter on the keyboard and you can just you find information that’s just
284.6 how stretching shut up on the internet works so I come home one day and I’m in
290.039 fourth grade and by this time I already known how to use the phone pretty well I known how to look up
295.44 and today’s video is sponsored by better help I work every day I don’t take sick
302.88 days some days everything falls into place and other days it just doesn’t we’ve all been there life has its ups
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365.44 waiting for perfect it’s about showing up for yourself every day thank you for watching and now back to the
373.96 video somewhere somewhere down the line before that I had heard of the word porn
381.639 I don’t know what side of my family had came from I feel like it might have came from my dad’s side
388.12 because um with his family being bigger than what we
394.08 are it kind of limited the bandw worth for his parents to be very present in his shood too and this is also kind of a
401.52 really mess up thing for me to say but um he really didn’t have a dad until he was 15 or 16 cuz um his dad actually
408.039 passed from Alzheimer’s and it had um started to set as he was 14 or 15 and so
415.319 by the time he was 17 he had to drop out of high school to wash his dad to change
421.759 his diapers and um um the same had to go for my other siblings to to take care of
428.639 each other and um ultimately he died in September 2001 just 3 months after I was
435.759 born when he was uh 26 I believe my mother her family wasn’t the best either
443.639 as she had legally immigrated here from Suchi Durango I’m not quite sure when
449.24 but uh her family had nothing either and uh you know as her mother had fallen ill
456.28 from dementia and diabetes um some of her family ended up with some cocaine
461.879 issues which made things a lot more complicated you know um we were taking turns um housing her mom and uh the
471.08 dementia had gotten so bad for her that she didn’t know who she was standing in front of and I remember one time I was
476.72 like sitting right next to her and she made a comment about my long hair saying like he needs to chop it off or he looks
483.039 gay or just some some degrading that comes with that Macho Mexican thing
489.039 which I I try not to abide too much by because I don’t I don’t think there’s a lot of healthy behaviors in that sort of
497.199 demographic so I come home one day and it’s like a
502.72 rainy September come home from school and I’m just mindlessly flipping through the
508.08 channels and I end up on Spike TV of all the programs to end up on you know the like
514.32 the dudes and just like all the masculine things you see are on that
519.68 that program and I don’t remember what it was that I exactly seen it was like a it was a scene from a movie but it
526.08 involved this girl that was dressed provocatively and then for some reason the imagery of
532.279 that had just prompted the the four-letter word pouring to just pop
538.079 into my nine-year-old brain I don’t know where IID picked it up but it just flashed back into me
544.64 and you know being being a curious from such a young
550.04 age and then finally having something to sort of go off by and then being able to
555.839 put that into like the Oracle of the internet is it’s it’s not a good it’s
561.839 not a recipe for good it it certainly my mind over a lot so I realized
571.04 you know how hard is it to spell the letter the letter the fourl word porn when you’re nine like p o r n so I just
577.56 type it into the keyboard and just this influx of imagery just hits my brain
582.68 like a train and I could feel my mind tingling and changing from just watching all
590.24 these women and different positions and and it it had really starting to
596.0 loosen the chains on my mind and that’s when the the depravity really start started to begin for me was when I was
603.2 nine so I had started masturbating not even that long after it I don’t know how much
610.399 of this porn consumption it had initially taken for me to learn but I
615.68 remember only liking the imagery of the female body I don’t know what it was
622.399 that Drew me um maybe the fact that ID watched poring when I was four years old
628.76 probably might have a factor in that but I had started to masturbate I don’t
636.88 even know how long after I had first started to watch porn and I had became instantly addicted to it I was doing it
643.0 every single day from fourth grade all the way up until my early 20s and I’m 23
649.0 now so I don’t want to seem like a saint when I say I’ve stopped doing it because
654.56 it’s not as easy as just saying that I’ve stopped masturbating and watching porn there are still psychological side
660.32 effects that come with it and definitely one of the bigger psychological side
666.079 effects that has came with uh porn addiction is just my struggle with interacting with
671.639 women and I have a girlfriend now she’s she’s been with me for six years and you
677.44 know she’s a saint I told her literally as soon as I got off the phone with you I told her you know that I’m going to do
684.04 this and I’d always joked around with her beforehand you know I want to and
689.6 she’s like what are you going to talk about and I some something like really personal but you know I show you that
694.76 email and not even that long you shoot you shoot me an email back or Noel and I was like oh
700.32 um but she’s a saint definitely a saint
706.04 but I do want to tell one story that I’ve never told her that I feel like is kind of
712.36 emblematic of what the what I might have become from this
720.519 so we were going to a show one day in Dallas Texas and we were going on with a
726.6 bunch of group of friends and it’s crowded it’s late at night you
731.8 know people are dancing and moving and a a friend from our group was
737.32 coming in a little late so she sends me out to
745.16 go you know find her in the crowd you know take her in from the back and then
750.32 just kind of lead her through the pit back up to our group so I said sure of course I’ll do
756.32 that so I’m making my way from the barricade we were at the front of the show and I’m you know trying to swim my
762.079 way back through the pit and as soon as I get through the pit towards the um back half of the crowd this girl who I’d
769.8 never met but was mutual friends with from an old friend from high school just
776.279 like bumped in bumped into me out of nowhere and I don’t know if it was like with intention or just
781.959 randomly but it was it was this this girl who I’d been following for I don’t know like a week or
787.36 so from this mutual friend and she bumps into me and instantly introduces herself
793.76 which again that kind of like set off
799.079 this this like light in my head like what are you going to do what do you say
804.639 your your girlfriend’s there I don’t want to do anything but at at the same time I don’t know what to say
812.079 like like my thoughts and my feelings were on just different sides of the room and this girl she comes up to me
818.839 she’s like hey how are you doing and you know we’re like shooting the breeze for one second and and just like this was it
827.519 right here when she like grabs my hands like grabs both my hands like out of nowhere and she like caresses this both
835.56 these parts of my hands with her thumbs and like I don’t know what it was but that like triggered this like this deep
842.32 reaction within me and like like everything had slowed down for a second and
848.199 like and I feel like I experienced some sort of dissociative mental
855.079 episode that made me forget the person I
860.519 was and took me back to this person who I really didn’t like
869.24 inside of me this person that had grown within me after years and years of this
878.12 addiction had finally came to head Within Me In This
883.24 Moment and there was a lot of tension within me but I stood my ground and I
888.56 said no and obviously I’m not sure if there was any ulterior motives from there you
895.839 know um she said she was with this mutual friend so who knows but the way I perceived it was so
904.16 distorted and that Distortion had come
909.68 from over a decade literally over a decade of straight porn addiction you
915.44 know I was so depraved um it had gotten to the point
921.199 where I was doing it four times a day and you know when you’re in high
926.92 school you’re doing it four times a day and you’re isolating yourself it um it really doesn’t do you any
935.8 good um so back to fourth grade I had started
942.079 learning how to masturbate and I didn’t fully understand what I was
949.199 doing to my mind and my body from a young age
955.079 and growing up at home um feeling alone in school I was
961.519 one of the few Mexican kids in a primarily white school that combined with my lack
968.48 of social skills and my awkward personality sort of just led me to not
974.24 have friends you know coming up in school but home life I had plenty of
981.88 caderie um my dad’s side of the family definitely had more community
990.0 but were bothered with depravity a little more and I think that came with
996.56 just them losing their father at the age of 16 or mentally they lost their father
1002.36 at the age of 16 physically um I think they were all in their 20s
1007.839 30s um but I’m growing up at home I’m learning these words from my
1015.24 dad and my uncles and I’m seeing these behaviors being exercised by adults who I probably
1023.199 shouldn’t have been hanging out around not by the fault of my parents but
1029.72 just finding myself alone in in a public space with
1036.88 someone um just watching these behaviors you know watching somebody just as
1043.16 simple as smoke a cigarette would just kind of take my mind down this Rabbit Hole like what do adults do
1049.36 you know like when the doors closed what do they do and that caused a lot of rumination
1056.44 for me during my adolescence and growing up I’m in puberty I’m going
1063.44 through puberty I’m 13 years old now and I’m starting to ask a lot more questions
1068.799 about girlfriends and sex
1076.039 and now I’m finally starting to question my myself like what am I doing you know I’ve been doing I’ve been
1089.48 literally I don’t know I can’t find the word to describe it i’ had been just like
1095.96 relenting no i’ I’d been relenting to my addiction for so
1103.559 long that I remember one day I I’d finish and I just this
1109.76 like that 1 second wave of pleasure was just immediately cut off by this sense
1116.76 of disgust physically and
1124.32 mentally I I I remember just questioning myself like what is this like what am I
1131.559 doing but because I didn’t have the conviction to really ask any more questions I just I just um suppressed
1140.039 these questioning thoughts about myself and continued to please myself to these
1145.84 non-existent women but but afterwards you would have feelings of disgust yes I that really
1154.84 only started as I grown into my teens and I started to see that my peers were
1159.88 getting girlfriends but I wasn’t so I started to feel like something might have been wrong with
1166.559 me and this kind of would start to Bubble Up
1172.44 inside of me throughout High School up until it would really start to
1179.0 erupt when I entered into a relationship with this girl now this girl has done some things
1188.559 earlier than me and by the time I had met her when I was 16 and she was 15 she
1196.84 had lost her virginity to someone who was 18 and it’s very weird that I’m putting
1203.24 this out there I don’t know if she’s found this out yet but the guy who she lost her virginity to ended up raping a
1209.36 friend of mine a few years later and I found this out while I’m dating this
1214.76 girl and it was at this point that I I felt like things were weird and I
1221.36 felt like a lot of these a lot of the the things I had seen by this time were just like coming from left field for me
1229.4 and I felt like I maybe should have taken my two steps back and turned
1234.799 around but I didn’t um
1241.2 that that part of me I feel like came out as I grew up my parents isolated us
1249.52 pretty pretty heavily they didn’t let us go out much they didn’t let us sleep
1255.0 over or go to a friend’s house very very often we were very sheltered as kids I
1261.12 mean even my girlfriend talks about it she says like you have like no cultural knowledge on things like I I’ve never
1269.159 seen pul fiction like I watched Friday for the first time like two years ago
1275.12 and like I like everybody was like what the like how are you how can you be so uncultured and it’s just I was just
1281.159 isolated a lot as a kid you know all four of us I come from a family of six so um it definitely having four
1289.08 children definitely limited the band worth for our parents to be able to be present for us intellectually and
1297.44 emotionally so a lot of the raising was just kind of left to
1304.72 um just uh silent
1311.32 obedience you know anytime um we show Defiance to our parents it
1318.0 was uh it was a pretty big inconvenience for them but um you know looking back now
1324.08 seeing that they didn’t have they didn’t come from good families themselves either it’s a little more easy to
1332.44 understand but I still felt very very alone in my life as as a child despite
1340.0 the camaraderie that I had with my siblings I still felt very misunderstood and I feel
1345.08 like me being me having a mature mind for my young age
1351.76 um I would kind of observe that and make
1356.919 these assumptions about myself like no no other kid would think
1362.279 this way you know what how are you going to talk to your nine-year-old kid about
1367.6 what porn is about what he could do to your brain they don’t they don’t have the conviction to fully understand
1376.4 that it sounds like you OD though that there was something wrong with that behavior yeah
1383.679 I I didn’t fully understand that there might have been something wrong with it but I was definitely starting to
1390.0 question it like why am I doing this
1395.159 and i’ really only recognized just about two months ago that I had like a
1401.96 10-year porn addiction that I had sort of sweeped under the rug for myself
1407.08 psychologically and um as some other things started to come up in my life um some pretty big
1415.4 inconveniences started to come up I had uh really started to let myself go and
1423.52 uh this was when I was 15 you know when I was in this
1430.4 relationship with this girl and uh she would lead me to start
1437.559 to break the rules for my family like lying to them about where
1444.52 I’d be and staying out late and these things
1451.4 for people who are my age who might have been a little more defiant through their childhoods may may look at this and go
1457.52 this is small fry but to me with the way my upbringing was you know coming home even a minute late
1465.36 almost meant like a death sentence to me even though it it it very much likely wasn’t and it it certainly is not
1473.039 but I had started to really question my Merit as a
1479.159 man when I started to realize what I might be doing was
1485.2 wrong wrong in the sense of that I’m not attending to this relationship that I’m
1491.679 not doing with this girl wanted not wrong as in this
1496.76 is not a he behavior for me at 15 16
1502.039 years old so one day my dad takes a day off of
1510.279 work and he almost never does and I tell this
1516.24 girl and she almost immediately has the idea for me to lie to
1522.64 him about her father wanting to meet me when she was Home Alone
1530.88 and this made me very nervous this made me very
1538.76 excited this I was just like filled with anxiety
1544.6 I don’t I I didn’t really know how to channel that that anxiety so I’m in my room and it’s like
1552.24 8 o’clock in the morning it’s a very hot July summer very hot summer in July it’s very
1557.6 hot morning um I get the text where I’m we’re having this conversation and then you know his
1564.52 his day off comes up and she has the idea for
1570.159 me so I have this this mental battle with myself like no I shouldn’t lie to
1577.72 him but this is something you’ve been looking forward to all your
1583.799 life but no this is wrong
1588.88 I I’m still just a kid like I’ve never done anything like
1594.44 this yeah but wouldn’t it be so cool to tell your friends about this things like
1600.64 that so I told him I lied to him I gave him this story that we had
1605.919 concocted and then he takes me and I’m almost surprised that at how
1613.159 okay he was with just taking me to this random girl’s house who he had never never met before
1619.36 himself but um he took me and uh you
1625.039 know I I I get to her house and you know it ends up being my first
1633.159 sexual experience not my first real time but it ended up being my first sexual
1640.799 experience and I like to say this this now that I’m actually kind of glad that it wasn’t my first time you know I don’t
1647.279 think anybody should be losing their virginity at 16 years old let alone 14
1654.84 but the things that I had uh done and seen in there not only that but um she broke up
1662.399 with me at that time which made the experience really strange for me
1669.96 and had made me start to ask more questions and have less answers
1676.399 about what it meant to be a man or what Sexual Energy is and how to
1685.0 control it and Sexual Energy is a real thing I think I’m
1691.12 very intimate with my own Sexual Energy but at the same time it can get
1697.88 very wild I have I have bouts of sexual desire sometimes but I practice chassity
1704.519 every day and I don’t ever want to go back to this place in my
1712.36 mind that the doors to which open every time I relent to this
1720.12 addiction it um it made me see this sort of version
1725.799 of my own personal hell and um I had created this cycle
1731.84 of pleasure and disdain that drove me insane by the time
1737.399 I was 15 and having that relationship certainly
1743.0 didn’t help so I leave that house like really
1751.559 confused um and I held a really nasty content
1758.44 towards women and girls and I’m 16 at the time I this this isn’t something
1763.76 that I don’t fully understand and
1772.76 I start talking to just random girls you know
1779.88 just trying to fill this hole while also having this wicked pornography addiction
1787.88 you know it’s pornography addiction is quite literally the grip of the devil I would
1793.72 say and
1799.32 it certainly created this this reflection
1805.0 in myself that had very low self-esteem
1812.679 um was very insecure did not see his own Merit
1821.0 and felt like he was never good enough and I had to start learning
1827.559 through interaction through subsequent interactions with women um Pleasant and
1835.799 unpleasant that my actions were a result of this
1843.519 emotional trauma that I had been allowing to determine my decisions and influence
1851.519 my behaviors and I didn’t quite know how to
1858.039 control it just yet but I had been I had started to inch
1863.24 closer towards an understanding by the time I had um met my current girlfriend and even then when
1871.919 I met her I still didn’t L on you know to kind of what my problem was I didn’t
1879.039 tell anybody what my problem was until literally
1884.32 recently you know I had first told her a few weeks ago and she kind of
1891.12 like she said that kind of makes sense which I didn’t I took no offense to you
1897.36 know we’ve been together for six years now and she’s seen some of the some of my lesser
1905.799 pleasurable behaviors but um she what was the the
1910.88 porn addiction getting in the way of the relationship in any way yeah
1916.039 psychologically um well emotionally it was definitely
1922.159 questioning her whenever she went out like
1929.399 I the way I cope with my low self-esteem is through humor so I would like joke
1936.799 about these hypothetical situations that I don’t really want to get into
1942.12 but I would basically make these jokes towards her as like a way of coping with this
1948.679 emotional problem that I had and she would
1953.84 obviously not be pleased by it and um like set off an argument or
1959.72 debate or whatever um but the physical aspect of it was a big
1967.12 part of it for sure I’d like I would lose my focus
1975.76 mentally is is how it started but physically is when it really
1980.84 me over like we’ be in the middle of
1987.0 foreplay and it’s it’s always like some sort of inconvenience like oh change the music or oh get this or I’ll get that
1995.72 and like 30 seconds later cuz like I have to like be focused when I’m I don’t know if that’s how you are but I
2002.0 have to be like focused for for me to be able to perform and then I lose like
2007.76 Focus for 10 seconds it’s like and like this is why she’s a saint to me is
2014.12 that she doesn’t like shame me or she doesn’t like like reprimand me like
2019.24 we’ll have like a little laugh a giggle and then like literally a couple minutes later we’re like Off to the Races so
2026.08 it’s like I’m I’m falling down here but she’s helping me and you know that’s why
2031.2 I think she’s such a she’s a Saint that’s great she’s like she was very open arms with it and
2038.679 I think women can I mean women have problems with these kind of things too oh yeah women they’re sensitive to
2045.279 things that are distracting or whatever yeah so they can relate yeah I
2050.639 think the biggest issue is if you feel shame or guilt or whatever
2056.44 about doing it without a partner that ultimately in a roundabout way it
2062.96 impacts your selfworth absolutely which will impact your ability to find a desirable mate or
2070.2 to it’ll affect your selfworth in terms of like your career and and other things in life yeah just the way you go through
2076.56 life yeah and that’s the biggest problem I see mhm yeah I
2083.24 think not talking about it is a big problem too for sure we have to address it we can’t just sweep the under
2089.52 the rug and you know let our husbands jerk off to porn and then come to find
2094.72 out he actually kills himself because some video about him goes out have you
2100.4 heard about this the goona side guy no so there is this this guy somewhere in I
2105.8 think it was in Arizona who um who really liked going to this particular coffee shop that um
2114.359 basically like a Hooters Starbucks you know you have Baristas with big tits you know servy coffee whatever well this guy
2121.28 who was married and had children decided it’d be a good idea
2126.64 to go to this place with his pants off and I guess I don’t know try to try
2134.079 to get his kicks there like at some point I feel like this is probably
2139.44 within all of us too that the depravity just overpowers your rationality and guys end up doing stupid
2146.56 crazy like pulling up to the driveway with their pants off and then
2151.88 obviously he gets filmed speeds off and then kills himself this guy killed
2157.28 himself over like his own addiction he
2164.28 he was at a drive-through or something he was at a drive-thru and um no pants
2169.4 without pants and this chick was filming him and he realizes it and it goes viral
2175.72 obviously you’re not a social media dude you don’t for that reason too
2182.24 probably he yeah he like sped off and I think like shortly after that he killed
2187.319 himself yeah it can shame is a terrible thing
2192.839 yeah it’s it’s terrible and I think it’s it can be very useless too I
2199.52 think you know old the olden days you know shame worked
2204.72 but I think with the dissolution of our collectivist society shame just doesn’t
2210.68 work anymore we don’t have like these groups of people who we want to show mar
2217.8 to we always want to show Merit to ourselves and I think part of that is the reason why we
2226.64 isolate and we’ve like like are just so up our own asses
2233.16 like just individualism is everywhere now you have no sense of
2238.52 community but you know that’s where I think shames failed us that once we
2245.72 stop holding other people accountable but um try to hold ourselves accountable
2250.8 in that same way in that same communal way it can probably create some disasters for you
2257.4 psychologically trying to like speak to yourself in a way somebody
2263.64 else would rather than speaking to yourself in a way you would towards somebody else who’s
2268.96 struggling is I think something we all get crisscrossed and can cause a lot of self-hate for us which is something I
2276.0 did for a very long time like I used to talk so much about
2282.44 myself like I hated myself like I just
2287.48 saw no merit even though I I knew I had my own
2292.72 capabilities I just I don’t know
2299.48 it’s a lot of the damage is just unseeable you can’t see it you can’t see the damage that porn does to these these
2306.52 guys Minds yeah that’s why I want these guys to watch this and not feel alone I don’t want I don’t want anybody who
2313.56 watches this to feel shame shame is not the
2318.92 way I
2324.64 think actualization might help but it’s actions that really do the
2333.0 work and for some people it’s just they’re just so stuck in their own ways
2339.04 I don’t know what it is I’ve met men who are still struggling with this
2348.28 um I’ve met older men in positions of power
2356.96 who still just like are being led with their dick and you can kind of see that
2364.119 and it like like when a man is distracted by sex it just his work up yep right
2371.96 everything up it everything up and that’s what it did for me I had stopped making
2377.64 music and I still don’t make music today but I practice reading it I practice
2384.24 trying to learn about it I love Steely Dan I love Frank Zappa great I love all
2389.839 these oh yeah chick coray returned to Forever i’ like I was a trained classical
2396.04 musician I forgot something I forgot to mention I was I was a trained classical musician from 12 years old all the way
2403.76 up to I was like 18 and that whole time I had a porn addiction I was like
2410.359 playing I’d be like practicing my music and then I’d be like finishing my evening with a you know with a quick nut
2417.68 that was like no that was like my nightly routine all throughout high
2422.8 school but um of course you know it it made that stockpile build up every
2429.72 single time every single time until it
2436.079 just this person just kind of got bigger than me this
2443.28 person who I hated you know just sort of ballooned up and I couldn’t ignore him
2449.119 anymore I had to I couldn’t run away from him I I I had to just face him and
2455.119 I didn’t like what I saw I didn’t like that I was I had started to become like a
2461.359 pathological liar I had started to display addictive behaviors like
2469.88 trying to act covertly um trying
2476.64 to make my life seem like it’s better than it really
2482.8 is which knowing everything
2488.599 knowing how I’m lying to all these people I don’t know why but I would
2494.079 still reprimand myself for things that I chosen to do
2499.64 so this cycle of self-hatred had been really integral to my being for like a
2506.88 really long time and I just couldn’t I like I
2512.68 couldn’t fight it fighting it was and when I mean fighting fighting I mean like fighting fighting it
2519.48 emotionally like I couldn’t I couldn’t think and cry
2525.28 and yell at myself to be this different person like that that wasn’t going to
2532.24 work that was something I had been trying subconsciously for so long and I think that’s what a lot of
2539.359 guys are doing today too is that too many guys just isolate themselves in their rooms just like I
2546.24 did and they just try to thank themselves into becoming a better person instead of actually going out and doing
2552.28 something worthwhile so I really only started started to
2558.48 break my my self-isolation in my late teens early 20s you know thanks to my kering girlfriend
2564.88 she she’s not as um she’s not as tolerable to as
2570.839 I am I guess we’ll fot it like that but that’s why I love her yeah it’s great that you have that
2577.64 yeah I’m lucky to have that yeah very lucky but um I hope all the guys watch
2584.559 this and if they don’t have anything to look towards
2589.88 to to work for they have something to work away from I think and I think it’s
2596.319 there’s more value in having just that than just the other it’s great that there’s somebody talking about it yeah
2601.8 at least now yeah everybody’s advertising the David goggin
2607.359 Clips the the Jordan Peterson clips like all these men are being advertised towards us I don’t think we give we give
2614.4 enough time to the guys who need that kind of stuff like these these men that
2620.599 are being advertised I think we’ve seen enough of them I think we should point the camera towards the guys who need to see like this and we need more
2629.0 guys who can be open about their issues I’ll bet you there are probably dozens of other guys that are in a similar
2635.44 situation yeah hundreds thousands even dozens of millions
2640.64 millions billions yeah all right J thank you so much thank
2648.04 you that was amazing thank you thanks for being so open and honest absolutely thank you for having me thank
2655.72 you when I was designing the first softwood underbelly book I realized that there were so many great portraits that
2662.079 weren’t going to make it into that book they just wouldn’t fit and once I saw how well that first
2668.359 book sold I knew I’d have to design a second book this second book is finally ready
2674.48 to ship like the first one this book has a collection of some of the best portraits from soft white underbelly
2680.24 accompanied by a quote from that person’s interview this book features another
2685.359 group of Rebecca portraits as well as a collection of color images of the Whitaker family and plenty of others you
2692.52 can order yours for $125 or $150 for a sign copy at softwhite underbelly
2698.52 dorg again like the first book once this book is sold out I will not be printing more of them the portraits are what
2705.359 softwood underbelly is all about and these two books contain the best of all that work thank you for watching
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